Mamazee's Homeschool Gym and Angst Chamber

Boundaries

2012-01-24T21:23:00.001-07:00

If i planted a beautiful vegetable garden in my front yard, and it grew up with fat, juicy beautiful vegetables, you'd think i was a fool not to put a fence around it, to prevent accidental wagon smashes and intentional "borrowing".

Your marriage is something even more precious and worthy of care and protection.

When we first married, T and I read that Billy Graham never even allowed himself to be alone in an elevator with a woman. If he was alone and a single woman got in, he would get out and wait for the next one. In this way, he protected himself from temptation, but also from even the *appearance* of evil.

This isn't just moral self preservation, or reputation, it's also part of a delicate latticework that surrounds and protects a marriage and lets a wife have full confidence in her husband.

My husband has worked among the mentally ill and in schools. In both cases there are vulnerable young people, girls desperate for attention, people who want to speak with him privately.

Out of love for me, he has put up boundaries, common codes of practice to keep away from even the appearance of impropriety. In his case, it's also a matter of keeping his job! If a rumour were started, he would be more vulnerable, if it weren't for the open door, the windows facing the foyer and secretary, and often the presence of the secretary or another teacher.

And even i, as a mother at home, have certain boundaries around having male friends over during the day, limiting communication with other men. It isn't onerous, it's respect. Like when my husband calls before he leaves work so i know to have dinner ready (and also have an opportunity to ask for something i need picked up!)

If you haven't thought about this, why not talk to your husband about what boundaries might make you both feel more secure, connected and respected?

Psalm 23- Sunday delight!

2012-01-22T15:14:00.001-07:00

At the church we are now attending, the music is like nowhere else i've been. Definitely not Pentecostal, but no closer to the liturgical Lutheran church we loved in Evansburg - i'm continually surprised by familiar words in new settings - like this beautiful Irish hymn.

God is here.

The King of Love My Shepherd Is
By: Henry W. Baker
The King of love my shepherd is,
Whose goodness faileth never;
I nothing lack if I am his
And he is mine forever.

Where streams of living water flow,
My ransomed soul he leadeth
And, where the verdant pastures grow,
With food celestial feedeth.

Perverse and foolish oft I strayed,
But yet in love he sought me
And on his shoulder gently laid
And home rejoicing brought me.

In death’s dark vale I fear no ill
With thee, dear Lord, beside me,
Thy rod and staff my comfort still,
Thy cross before to guide me.

Thou spredst a table in my sight;
Thine unction grace bestoweth;
And, oh, what transport of delight
From thy pure chalice floweth!

And so through all the length of days
Thy goodness faileth never.
Good Shepherd, may I sing thy praise
Within thy house forever.

Notes:
Hymn # 412 from Lutheran Worship
Author: Iris
Tune: St. Columba
1st Published in: 1868

Set a limit to your desires

2012-01-22T12:52:00.001-07:00

Goethe is credited with saying that, but so are a ton of other dead dudes.

But it's good advice! This isn't really about loving your spouse, but maybe it is...

I feel kinda wishy washy sometimes. Every Friday we go for a date and T asks what i feel like, and i usually don't have an answer. Same with birthday presents and Christmas. I have so many friends who are ultra organized and have their lists of what they want to have/achieve/possess - and it seems to work for them.

But tonight i think i maybe figured out why my spinelessness really isn't that bad a thing.

When we first got married, T and I agreed that we'd generally give in to one another, depending on who felt most strongly. T had veto, just in case, but in general, it's worked in our marriage, probably because we are such different people. So, i got to use cloth diapers and he picked the towns we moved to, he chose our awesome camera and i mentioned it was time to buy a big bus.

But i think sometimes i just don't care about some things because i know the act of choosing brings him joy ( and i know he does this for me, too). He loves going out to eat, loves food. So why bother choosing something when i know he's probably done a little research and i know i'll love it once we get there. Or why set my heart on some gift when he is so perceptive and often buys me just what i wanted, before i knew it existed.

Just one thought from one mom to another - it's okay to put a limit to your desires and let God, life, and even your spouse surprise you :)

Easy Breakfast for a Bunch!

2012-01-11T20:52:00.001-07:00

Recipe from The MOMYS Cookbook:

Dutch Babies
(scaled for the Fehler family)

Turn oven to 400. Put 1/2 butter in each of two 9X13 pyrex dishes. Melt butter in oven.

One dozen eggs, stirred
3c flour
3c milk

Mix. Sprinkle 1/2 c brown sugar in each dish, pour in batter on top. Cook about 12 minutes.

Eat while it is puffy and hot and syrupy on the bottom!

Loving Your Children - carpe Diem?

2012-01-06T20:13:00.001-07:00

A couple of facebook friends posted this and it made me think. You may want to read the whole post (it's beautiful)

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/

Here are my thoughts - when i had my firstborn, i had been married 14 months and we lived in my inlaw's basement. My husband was in university and i had dropped out to help pay his way.

Wyatt was a really hard baby. In sixteen months, he slept four hours in a row only a handful of times. I was exhausted, all the time, and i hadn't learned to nap during the day. At the same time, i was so full of prolactin and oxytocin i felt like i might be leaking love.

My mom told me that "babies are more fun than a circus" and he was. But i was sooooo tired! And him being our first, i thought this was what it was like for everyone. (!)

So, when little old ladies told me to enjoy every minute when i was trying to make it tbrough another shattered day, i took them at their intent. They were obviously wanting to be encouraging, i had no idea how they could say it would go fast - it was never bedtime! But i saw kindness in their eyes and took hope that people have survived childrearing without dying of exhaustion.

Now that i'm older, both pregnant again and mom to a sixteen year old full of existential angst, i see that they were right - the days are long but the years are short! But this work that God has chosen for me is hard because it is important. Eating cotton candy is easy. Petting a cat is easy. But they won't become the overwhelming sense of love and acceptance human beings need to become fully developped. God has a plan to refine me, and a plan to show in practical ways His love and protection to my children. And to work His plan, He's put us together. It's an awesome thought, but also comforting that through the hard times where you're looking up boarding schools and the sweet times when clean little ones cuddle by the fireplace there is a purpose in what you're doing and confidence that God will supply what you lack, to fulfill His purpose...

Sleepy Sorrow - a story about large families

2012-01-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

I found this tucked into a binder today and thought i'd type it out...

Sleepy Sorrow

Stephanie Fehler

For Anaia

Driving home late at night, the sky turning yelloworangepinkpurple, Mama heard a sound in the backseat.

Quiet sobs were falling out of a sorrow behind her.

What's the matter, little one?

Silas is makin' me cry, complained the sorrow.

Silas, switch seats?

Quiet (or at least quieter) happened for a minute, but soon a low "ooooooooh" moaned to the front. It was the sorrow.

What's the matter, little one?

I'm willy, willy sad, moaned the sorrow.

Haven, hold hands.

Haven held hands and quiet (or at least quieter) happened for a minute, but soon a big sigh and more wet, medium sized crying sounds came floating to the front.

What's the matter, little one?

I want my Baba, admitted the sorrow, quietly.

Baba, would you sit next to the little one?

Baba climbed over the seat and sat next to the sorrow, making shadow rabbits, but then he accidentally touched her. Mama heard a loud cry.

What's the matter, little one?

Baba hurt me!

I'm sorry, said Baba.

Lulu, change seats with Baba.

Lulu was the last one to try to make the sorrow happy, except Baby, and Baby was too little to change seats.

Lulu made a funny face. He patted his head and stuck out his tongue. But he was little and soon forgot to make the sorrow happy. Instead he looked out the window at the pretty sky, fluffy clouds and deep forests whizzing past.

Ooooooooo.... came a teary voice from the backseat.

What's the matter, little one?

I wanna sit by you, mama!

Little ones have to sit in the back, in their special seats. I'm sorry, little one. Just a few miles more.

The sorrow looked out the window. She saw the colors in the sky, the clouds that looked like a hundred cotton balls stuck together with glue and pulled apart. She put her thumb in her mouth and watched the dark forests roll past.

And just as another sad sound was going to sneak out of her mouth, the car stopped. Her eyes were not working so good - they only opened halfway. Her thumb slipped from her mouth as Daddy's strong arms lifted her out of her seat and she put it back in as he carried her into the house.

I'm not sleepy, she said sleepily.

I know, said Daddy.

He pulled off her daytime clothes and pulled on her pj top and pants, picked her up and tucked her into her very own bed.

He put his hand on her face and blessed her.

Her thumb stayed in her mouth, her eyes stayed closed, but sorrow.... smiled.

The End

Loving your husband/children- in your house

2012-01-02T23:30:00.001-07:00

For Christmas, my sister gave me a book called "Smart Organizing" by Sandra Felton. I love it! It is putting me back to the "first things first" basics, and encouraging me to think smarter about my housekeeping goals.

Over the holidays, we've done a few smaller projects to make our house more usable by a large family, and what i realized is, that i was guilty again of making assumptions. I assumed a big family needed big spaces, but we cut our living room in half with a loveseat and it's so much more cozy. We attached the tv above the mantelpiece and it doesn't look like an altar :) and freed up living space.

I'm trying to plan a little nook for the new baby, and seeing these new areas work so much better for us has been inspiring. I mean, i know it's not a huge deal, but in letting go of my assumptions, communicating with my husband and working together using all our resources (including Wy's muscles), we made our home a little more beautiful and comfortable this month.

This January, we are implementing a few new things. Wyatt likes to have a lot of notice for coming events, so i have a dry erase board that i'll use to summarize things he needs to know all day. Lulu wants to be a pastry chef, so we've started working through his new "Cake Boss" recipe book. Haven has room for her new artist easel now that we've moved the computer desk...I don't want to focus so hard on how things "should" be, that i overlook what is, and i'm going to embrace and work to bring comfort and beauty.

No, i'm not just talking about my dubious interior decorating skills, i'm also thinking relationships.

I am ready to bless my family, to get back in the trenches and to find ways to "see" them. I hope that my family will feel the blessing!

Protecting your marriage during crisis

2011-12-27T11:20:00.001-07:00

http://www.sarahstirman.com/2011/12/marriage-monday-5-ways-to-survive.html?m=1

This blog was filled with good advice on getting through crisis with your marriage intact.

Honestly, the worst part of my parent's divorce for me was *knowing* that i was totally knocked out and the frustration, guilt and despair of knowing that i couldn't fully shield them even from my own broken heart.

I did try - crying in my bedroom, quietly, with the door locked, until i could go back out and be the mom, seeing a counsellor so i didn't dump it all on my husband.

But so much of the advice given in the blog above happened in my home because God had been preparing us, teaching us, growing us.

I was able to pour out my heart to my husband, knowing from experience that he would be gentle in his words, and caring in his actions. God had taught me, through Ruth Bell Graham, to "make the most of all that comes, and the least of all that goes".

God had taught me to "be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances" and i was able to see and thank Him for the blessings He poured out, even in the midst of pain.

I am not "through". I am not done mourning, or "over it". But i have learned than when i am weak, He is strong. I can lean on Him. His ways are perfect, even when my life is far from it.

Titus Two Tuesdays - loving your husband and children sometimes means letting love in...

2011-12-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

i have been overwhelmed lately. I play sad songs to the babe in my womb, thinking my heartbreak must certainly have soaked through all the amniotic fluid, straight to her/his heart. Baby's movements are slow and tender, pushing gently, but not insisting... As if baby knows that inside me, all is broken and raw, oozing and desperately crying out for my Healer.

And while my thoughts, panicked, keep turning to my own beloved ones, i feel like i am not the one providing love and understanding. I am deliberately dropping everything else - at first i thought i was doing it to have the emotional space for getting through this sad place, but i noticed that habits formed are what bubble to the surface, and empty, i do have enough. I've learned to work from His strength, not mine, and to be more tender to others the more raw i feel inside. these are good things coming out of the hard place. Honey from the rock. Evidence that He is here with me, that He is still with me.

God has met me when all i could pray is for His presence. I knew if i could just feel Him near, all would be well, but i had no words to pray anything more... But He knew. Like Baby Meow "learning to skate" - i was "learning to trust" in the most elementary way - letting Him do it for me...

Yet still, i feel like my husband (especially!) and children have really been putting boots onto the idea of bearing another's burdens these last few months. And walking next to me, their arms around their wounded comrade.

My parents have filed for divorce after forty years of marriage. It feels like no matter how strong the foundation of our family, the tarpaper roof, as ripped as it may have been, has finally been torn off, and my children have lost something precious. And i... can't even put into words all that is in my heart.

But i'm an adult, and surrounded by the best husband in the world, and seven sweet, intelligent, kind children. So why am i the one lost, unable to process, reeling?

My husband, over and over, listens, reassures, does the little things that mean he sees, he cares, he loves me. And no, he's not impatient that i'm bringing this up again. And again. And again. He prays with me, and the children pray with me.

My children are more huggy lately. We're a pretty cuddly family, but it is rare to have my lap free lately. Or to go more than an hour without a smooch and someone telling me they love me.

My oldest son is 16, and too old and cool to smooch his mama, but for Christmas he bought me a cool iphone case and a book called "Screw Calm and Get Angry" :) - a little book of funny sayings regarding the negative emotions... He understands more than the other children, i think, and is so much like me...

This part of Titus 2 stands out for me now:

Titus 2: ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to

love their husbands and children,

⁵ to be self-controlled and pure,

to be busy at home,

to be kind,

and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I wrote at the top of each homeschool day's planner page "Be Kind" - and i meant, kind to me, :) - but it's a good homeschool motto every day, not just to be kind to my own self but to these tender little ones who look to me to interpret the world, to explain God, to look at them and *see* who they are. I also planned something fun for each day, something for me to look forward to doing with the littles ones, and also something that forced me out of the inward focus, the desire to just crawl into a dark place and be alone... I don't think those verses are saying "Be busy at home" so that i can boast of all i do - i think He knows how essential it is to keep moving, especially in hard times. To do the next thing, as Elisabeth Elliot wrote... (please click the link! It will encourage you!)

As i move out of this hard place, my word isn't "be kind" anymore, or "get through this day, so you can get through the next one, and the next one"... My word is TRUST.

This is my word for 2012, and i will trust that God will complete what HE has begun, and that it is good, and for good. For my good, and for His glory, and that it will work beauty from ashes.

2 Samuel 22:31

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.

Titus Two Tuesdays - loving your children

2011-12-11T16:49:00.001-07:00

I could try to wax eloquent, but i don't think i could give any better than this blogpost! One of the things I really wanted to learn as a wife and mother was to be able to bless the ones i loved in meaningful, heartfelt, "availing much" prayer.

http://inspiredtoaction.com/2010/01/how-to-pray-daily-for-your-children-a-free-calendar/?mid=54

Kat from Inspired to Action has some great encouragement and prompts. Sometimes i don't feel like praying. The best way to break through is with prayer - bring it to God. I want to pray beyond my heart's ability to see and willingness to drop my self centeredness...

Teaching baby Ephraim

2011-11-24T20:48:00.001-07:00

Granny, Auntie and two cousins are visiting. School is on hiatus for a few days and mornings are a little earlier with a 21 month old in the house.

Luther is an early riser and got up to play with his noisy little cousin while auntie tried to grab a couple extra minutes in bed.

Through the french doors, she saw Luther reach up to the mantle to bring Baby Jesus down from the nativity set, to show Ephraim.

"Look, Ephraim! It's Baby Jesus.". "Why???" said little Ephraim. A pause, while auntie listened through the doors. "Because He's King of Kings, and Lord of Lords."

Every night for four nights in a row, Auntie Paige and I are singing and Paige is telling the ladies about Jesus.

But this, too, is sharing something beautiful.

What I Am To You

2011-11-15T18:12:00.000-07:00

That song came to me this morning -an old Twila Paris one : "There is an ocean surrounding me/ mostly the water is calm/ just enough breeze to keep me sailing/ i feel safe and warm"...

That's not where i am. Where i am is in the midst of devastation, grief and sorrow. I struggle minute by minute to adjust my heart to be in tune with my Daddy - the one i want most to be like. To focus on the priorities in front of me, which is preserving relationship in whatever way i can.

I know i cannot live like this, broken and fragile, and hurting. So i am deciding to be kind to myself this week. We are homeschooling till lunch, then Christmas things, or just doing things together - watching movies, baking. This feels right to me.

On the car coming home from buying three new pairs of badly needed snowboots (and matching Sunday sweaters for my little boys) - these two songs came on the radio and it felt like my Father squeezing my shoulder and saying "I see you. I know how hard this. You are still the apple of my eye. I am here with you."

The first song - Jason Gray "Who I Am to You" got me teary, but the second seemed crooned in my ear, maybe God in the passenger seat, with his guitar, playing and singing to me, smiling. It's not typical Third Day - "I've always loved you" and it's kinda country, but it was what i needed today... and He knew.

Titus Two Tuesdays - loving your children

2011-11-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

My friend, Susan, sent me this beautiful blog post by Elizabeth Foss - it's such a needed corrective to the sometimes high and lofty goals of homeschooling... It's called "What I'm Never Going to Tell You"

http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/11/what-im-never-going-to-tell-you.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought, her blog post might be a good jumping off point to start a discussion about what loving your children looks like - and what a Titus Two woman in your life might tell you :)...

This was my reply (onlist, to my friends...)

ooooh... wow - i got goosebumps.

i think because my oldest is sixteen and i'm realizing that really, honestly, he is becoming a free agent. His own person. However much he wants to deny, to avoid it, he is becoming who he is.

He is a very smart boy, able to out think me often.

I know he respects me and his dad. i know he sometimes thinks we are better than we really are. more holy, more perfect. i don't know how he got that idea when he lives with us all the time. bu sometimes i get the feeling that he believes there is something unattainable about the life in Christ. (and he's right. " Noah was a righteous man, perfect in his generation" - but i am not. and i don't know anyone for sure who is...)

i feel despair in what he says, sometimes. Sometimes it's the arrogance and impatience of youth, sure it's just as easy as good choices, which of course he will always make. but sometimes, it's the angry, disappointed realization that what's in his heart is what's important, and maybe the heart isn't where it should be.

these are good years. STRETCHING years. Scary years.

And i know a lot of moms who feel disqualified from sharing the truths that the years have taught them, because they are in the midst of chaos and wondering if maybe it's something they did wrong.

i wonder all the time, if i'm doing this right. I have, right from the beginning. I think the most freeing thing i heard in all this time is that

"The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands."

Psalm 138:8

I am living a beautiful life, with hot water, a good house, a faithful husband, seven healthy children. If everything goes sideways, i have lived faithful to my calling, depending on Him. The results are His glory. Whether they are good or good after years of bad :)... (please Lord, no!) It's my identity to be this stay at home, homeschooling mom. And my pride would be so hurt. Embarassment. Shame. (slowly my children are teaching me to tolerate those... LOL!) But in the end, will God be angry with me for someone else's free choice? i know where i am with Him, and that's what matters most.

If i could carry, drag my children to His lap and say "Stay there!" and it would count - I would, in a heartbeat. but i know God had a plan for me as a teenager. I wish it had been a different plan, maybe, a safer, more easy acceptance, more natural goodness :). But He was faithful to my parents prayers for me, and i know He hears me and cares for the little ones He's given me and I've given back to Him...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do you think? What is loving your children? What are the necessary components? Part 2 coming up... i hope!

Titus Two Tuesdays - loving your husband

2011-11-02T20:22:00.000-06:00

I know, it's Wednesday, not Tuesday :) - i'm pregnant :) and that's my excuse for most everything including the awesome breakfast i amazed myself by both cooking and eating... mmmmm...

Anyway, away from thoughts of food and back to last week - i wrote about moms/wives who have inspired me to love my husband and make that a priority, but as i thought on it this week, i thought it wouldn't hurt to write out a few of the things that i've learned about loving your husband..

Number one - it usually starts out being very very easy :) but doesn't always stay that way. People change as they age, we start out with good intentions, and the best opinion of each other. I am sad to remember how, strung out by travel and the newness of marriage, i cried on my honeymoon on the way home, totally overwrought... Sure that my husband didn't love me after all... My poor husband! I think he realized then what it would be like being married to me :) and he still loved me and fixed everything (he's good like that)...

So, sometimes the husband has to be the big one, but sometimes it will be your turn to overlook a fault.

I will try to be quick - my husband is waiting for me :)

2. The Bible talks about "exposing his nakedness" - it's a euphemism used a lot in the Old Testament - but it's a principle that is important - so many women share too much of their husband's weaknesses or faults or even just strange peccadilloes :) - and it's embarrassing to the husband, and detrimental to the marriage. Proverbs says "A wise woman builds her house, a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands"... So easy to tear down, and so much better and more fulfilling to find something to praise, and let that spill out of your mouth instead. Besides, if you tell everyone your husband's struggles, that is what he will be defined by whenever they think of him. So think how you want your husband to be thought of.. (i know, there are situations where women need help and advice - in that case, either ask your husband who he would like to talk to about the problem, or if there is abuse involved, find a safe person and get yourself safe... )

3. A Ruth Bell Graham quote that i find helpful - "Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes". So true. If your man is working hard to support a family, in a society and culture that doesn't celebrate faithfulness and loyalty, he is doing a beautiful, strong, manful thing. Praise him! And if he's not making a ton, be creative and encourage him. Nagging won't make him earn more, and will only destroy the joy he needs to find at home...

4. Pick your battles. There are some times you won't agree. Let him win as often as you possibly can make yourself! It's hard at first - we all want to be right, we want our way - but i promise that giving in to his preferences goes so far in building mutual respect and kindness. Give in as often as you can :)

5. Lastly, keep in mind the investment principle. No, i'm not a financial wizard or even that good at math, but the Bible teaches "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". Invest time and resources in God and His kingdom, and next, into your husband. It sounds elementary, but it is so easy to take your husband for granted - to get too busy doing other things, letting him get by on his own while you do a hundred other good things. Look at your marriage as a bank account and make a lot of deposits - find out his love language - what makes him feel loved - and try to put something in the account every day. The people you are around the most, are the people you end up hooked on. Get hooked on him, and on your children... At the beginning, i mentioned how people change as they age, but a beautiful thing is that, if you are together all the time, you grow in ways that are complementary. Be as intentional about that as you can...

I don't know everything about marriage - i've been married seventeen years and i think i married a really super awesome man :) - so i'm sure there are a ton of things i could have shared that i just don't know. What are your tips for really loving your husband? I'd love to hear them!

Titus Two Tuesdays - loving your husband

2011-10-29T09:00:00.001-06:00

I didn't really explain in my first post exactly what Titus 2 says, and i think it's probably good if i do. So often it gets used as shorthand for just older ladies teaching younger ladies- and that's really the heart of it - that God has called and anointed women to teach other women about the issues that pertain to them. But there's more to it than that... This chapter has very concise, short reminders for both genders, and different ages of their main task as regards other believers...

Here is what the passage i have in mind says:

Titus 2:³ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Last time, i talked about asking an older woman at my church about prayer. Prayer is foundational. So often, it's seen as the "I can't do anything practical, so i guess i'll pray." But prayer itself is powerful, practical, and the best thing we can do in every single circumstance of our lives! Which is why i wrote about that first.

Next up - loving husbands. Why do i choose that instead of just going chronologically through the verse? After loving God, loving your husband does the most good in the world. I mean that! If you love your husband, you are not only pleasing God, you are showing His nature lives in you. You are also giving a gift to your children that you will only fully appreciate if your mom did the same for you. It is such a blessing to grow up in a home filled with peace, joy, and love - where respect and mutual kindness are the watchwords. You are creating a culture of love, and that culture that begins in your home, reaches out and infects the world. Your husband takes it with him to work. Your children take it with them when they fly the nest. Small things are not insignificant in God's economy!

So i'm going to tell you about my friend, Deb.

We moved to Pincher Creek, AB and i gave birth to our fourth child the very next morning. it's a small, friendly town, and the nurses told the whole town i think by lunch time (baby was born at 11 am.). Within days, meals started arriving. The local Baptist church had decided to take us under their wing. It was such a blessing and so unexpected. We knew no one and i was prepared for frozen pizza until everything got back to normal. But here was Deb on my doorstep. She took one look at me and said "I can just tell we're going to be friends!" And she was right! In the two years we lived there, Deb was such a fun friend, and i loved spending time with her - but if Randy were free, she was right there. She was crazy about that man (and still is, last time i talked to her!). She talked about him all the time, dressed beautifully, planned special times with him and in general, was about as lovesick as a teenager, while still having three teenage boys at home. It was breathtaking, and inspiring and adorable!

She was not my first friend to tell me "If my husband gets free, our plans are off! He's more important than you!" (that would be the excellent Rebekah!) - but she was the first to force me to go on a date with my husband. Up to then, we'd been out together i think maybe once? In four babies and six or seven years of marriage. She insisted on taking our children swimming (with Randy, of course), and said i'd just have to think of something to do with Travis. I was so used to never ever being alone with T by then, and i had put that idea aside as something trendy that rich people did, but just didn't work when you have four littles eight and under. But it was like taking a deep breath, and Travis *loved* having me, my attention, all to himself.

I"m not saying date nights are the only path to marital bliss :) - but i am saying that Deb was an awesome encouragement to me to look beyond the "have to's" of every day life and take joy in the GREAT gift that God had given me in my husband. Her exuberance and joy and delight in her husband made me feel okay about taking time to realize what a superhero i was married to, and when my husband decided to take me out every Friday (a few years ago) - i was less resistant than i would have been (practical old me... isn't it cheaper to just eat at home with the littles?)...

There are many other women i could mention - Steve and Lori are another couple that just enjoyed each other so much - and these women were all so deliberate about the time and priority they put on time with their husbands. This is not the norm! Most of my friends and women i know really looked forward to time out with the girls :) - but for me, it did something beautiful in me to see how much fulfillment there was in finding *joy* in the man God had chosen for me...

Titus Two Tuesday - Teach Me To Pray

2011-10-25T22:00:00.003-06:00

So many times in my young mom years i thought "if only i had a mentor! This can't be right!". I muddled through, made a lot of mistakes and now i'm an old mom, and i think I understand why older women don't reach out to teach younger women.

If they are like me, they see young, beautiful women doing a faithful, valiant job and figure maybe we don't know that much more. Maybe making mistakes is part of the process. And both of those things may be true! But as a mom to two teenagers, thirty eight and pregnant with number eight, maybe it's time for me to share at least the little bits and bobs i've learned. Maybe it will help another mom. Maybe my own daughters will one day marry and live far away from me. So, here goes.

My baby sister and I were talking the other day, on our iphones as i walked through Winner's waiting while my husband shopped and tried on clothes. She thought i should write the story of

"How Stephanie Learned To Pray"

I was probably 25 or 26, with a great husband and two or three little children, just starting to homeschool. And i noticed that while it was an easy thing for me to keep up my Bible reading, i was not understanding what I heard and read about prayer. I was reading books like Dutch Sheet's Intercessory Prayer, Listening Prayer by Leanne Payne, Can You Hear Me? By Brad Jersak and Cindy Jacob's prayer manual. I was also recording vocals to beautiful cds that were basically just prayers with background music.

I wanted to be faithful in prayer. I wanted to be fervent and effectual, surrounding my children with every good blessing, and most of all, setting an example to little people who were watching me so closely.

Here is the important part of the story. I asked around at my huge church and said "Who knows a lot about prayer?". One name came up several times. Esther Chua. So I found out who she was, introduced myself and asked her if she would teach me about prayer.

Young moms, it really is that simple! God had prepared Esther for my request and she graciously invited me to her house on a weeknight, and we spent three hours with a group of women, praying. Esther had a burden for southeast Asia, and that's what we would pray for. Every week, for over a year. Esther would share a little bit of information about missionaries, or politics or needs, and we took it to God in prayer. At the end, we would pray for each other. It was not a rushed, perfunctory prayer time. Didn't have a set ending time. But there, on the floor at Esther Chua's house, I learned to pray deeply about a matter, to allow silences to hear the Holy Spirit's prompting, to pray God's Word back to Him, claiming His promises. And to be unafraid to pray out in front of my wonderful, accepting sisters.

In those days we hardly ever went out. We had no money but we were also intentional about spending time together, to get bonded as a family and addicted to each other. But those hours I have never begrudged. Through a Titus Two woman, I learned what God wanted to teach me about prayer (and met other wonderful mentors who are still a blessing and encouragement though we are far apart now.)

I hope this is encouraging to some young moms out there- if you need Godly wisdom, God is already preparing a way for you to get it! You might have to step out a little too! If there are any older moms out there - is this something you could see yourself doing? Or has God taught you something else you burn to share? I challenge you to step out, too!

Calgary 40 Days for Life September 28-November 6th: Day 12 - who will go?

2011-10-09T15:19:00.000-06:00

Calgary 40 Days for Life September 28-November 6th: Day 12 - who will go?

Singing at church

2011-10-02T13:37:00.000-06:00

Today at church we sang a hymn called Jesus, Precious Treasure.

It's victorious words contrast with the dolorous tune - a contrast that mirrors our life on earth - victors in Jesus, constantly growing and being transformed in His image, and yet subject to all the sorrows and pain of being a human, connected to humans, in a fallen world.

Since my sister have begun a focused prayer time specifically for family, it seems troubles have only multiplied - and since I just found out that i am carrying our eighth child (i know, i'm not supposed to tell so early, but i do want prayer support!) - I've been a little worried about the safety of the little one. Safe inside me, s/he should be untouchable, but we know that even there, we are targets of the evil one, and the fallen nature of our bodies...

The words of the hymn can be found here, but one verse in particular stood out for me. I love the defiance in the words, and i felt comforted by my Father and by the voices around me, singing with me...

Satan, I defy thee;

Death, I now decry thee;

Fear, I bid thee cease.

World, thou shalt not harm me

Nor thy threats alarm me

While I sing of peace.

God’s great power guards every hour;

Earth and all its depths adore Him,

Silent bow before Him.

We sat down, and i opened my Bible to zip it up, and to tuck the bookmark more securely inside. This is the verse that was on the page, looking up at me.

Psalm 33:18-19

Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear Him; upon them that hope in His mercy; To deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine.

Friday's Fave Five

2011-09-16T23:22:00.000-06:00

challenged by my friend Terry and inspired by this blog:

http://bornagainandblessed.blogspot.com/2011/09/fridays-fave-five-57.html

Choosing thankfulness is sometimes so easy. WE are so blessed - not just my little family, but in general - if you are reading this, you are blessed. You live in a rich country, with electricity, with running water and heat (hot water!) - your house is better insulated than king's castles even a hundred years ago, and you have more efficient "servants" to wash your dishes and clothes, cook your food and do a zillion other things.

But sometimes it's not as easy to be thankful. Other emotions crowd out what should be my heartsong to God...

And my friend, Susan in Islay continues to bless me through her idea of "hours". I think it may be a Catholic tradition - but she sent through to an email list i'm on, her list of times and Bible verses. So in the mornings i'm waking up with St. Patrick and praying God's protection over me, my loved ones, my home, my darlings. At 9 a.m. it's the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles Creed (usually sung lustily with many small ones - the version Jamie Soles arranged and that we do at the new church is pretty catchy!) - 12 noon is Psalm 23, 3 p.m. is Psalm 117, 6 pm. is Psalm 150, and bedtime is the prayer of St. Francis and 51st Psalm.

I love Madame Guyon's idea of the "inward turn" - of leaving behind all that has entangled, and returning our gaze to Jesus. And so many of these Psalms, when my iphone buzzes in the middle of the day, interrupt my thoughts to make me PRAISE God! No matter the situation - if i am wiping up milk, or brooding on a hurt, i am reminded to set it aside, and take a moment to praise Him.

so, i think my "fave five" this week would be the hours. God knew what good it would do to my soul, and He set up this beautiful system for me weeks ago... One of the saddest phrases i know is in Psalm 142:4

Look to the right and see; For there is no one who regards me;

There is no escape for me; No one cares for my soul.

But this is never true. One does care, and i can choose to look to Him all day, and bask in His love and care, rich as a queen, and complete in all i need: His presence and the knowledge of His love.

Praying and fasting for family

2011-09-09T20:36:00.000-06:00

My little sister, Paige, had the idea. Over the phone, she said "I just feel like i should be fasting and praying from now until Christmas. Just lunch, just on Fridays. For family".

Without thinking i said "Sounds good. Let's do it".

And it was that easy.

What does it mean? Praying for family? Well, this week, this Friday, it meant - praying for immediate family concerns - there are a few - health (one little niece starts chemotherapy on Tuesday, and it's at the top of my mind and emotions always, my cousin is really battling some heavy issues), marriages (i don't always know how to fix it, but i do know God knows... and i pray for His "speaking loudly") - and on top of that, for families in general...

For little 3 year old Kienan Hebert - still missing today. The sun is going down and i keep refreshing pages, hoping they will say either he is found, or he has been sighted past Dawson Creek, and i can get out into my van and start driving and searching... I can't imagine being his mama right now. And i fell asleep guilty last night, wishing that little one were safe in his mama's arms, sure of her love and nearness...

For the parents who think *anything* is better than a fresh, soft little baby. They need so little - a few feet of flannel for a diaper, a breast full of milk, love. And yet, we thrash about wildly, trying to avoid them. We defraud each other in marriage, we mutilate our bodies with surgery or chemicals, and then, when God takes away our fertility, we rage against Him, and create vats of tiny ones where only a small percentage will survive the torturous lab.

Family is a huge theme in the Bible - and this is why. In marriage, i learn to love unconditionally, someone who is not me - someone who is bigger, stronger, wiser (or weaker, foolish, smaller) - to be faithful, to put my immediate desires on hold, to consider my body theirs, and to care for them as lovingly as i "nourish my own flesh" (to quote Paul ).

When our culture tries to tear apart families - to tell us that it doesn't really matter, so long as*someone* looks in on the kids once in awhile - it is not only selling with bravado something they know is not true - but it also tears apart something that is the image of God, working through his fragile creation. Just like God bends over His image, hoping for the good in them to choose Him, so we partner together to create with God small, vulnerable people that we love, guide, teach. His patience with us teaches us how to be patient with our little ones. Their mistakes mirror ours, and teach us the valuable lesson of humility. And His forgiveness shows us how to forgive, and start over.

Maybe it is easier for me to see this, so grateful to be loved and treated well by a bigger, stronger, wiser man. After seventeen years, my gratitude and joy have only grown. I have been so blessed, and i pray this for all families.

At lunch, i texted with my sister - i wasn't hungry, but dizzy - my body wanted food. And yet, by supper time, I was so grateful that I'd blurted out, impulsively, that we would do this, together.

After all, that's what family is for...

Time capsules and sewing patterns

2011-08-24T21:38:00.000-06:00

This summer has been one big blur of nonstop packing, a dust up of moving and a long few weeks of unpacking. And i'm not done yet, but i'm going slowly and i'll be done soon :)...

But today i found a box of sewing patterns and started unpacking and putting them away, gathering the little stray papers in the box, so i could help each pattern piece get back in it's envelope, and when the dust had settled, i had a little packet of cards and letters.

I opened just one, just to see what these were. The first one was addressed from "Sister Paige" - my baby sister, in a newsy, crowded letter, giving a snapshot of her first year away from home, away at college, rooming with our cousin. It was a whole world, a whole lifetime away. In it, she talked of taking a year off and travelling - a year later she would be married, and expecting the first of seven children.

I smiled at that cheerful, happy long ago girl, knowing that she got what she wrote she "really wanted"...

Next, a letter from my middle sister as a young mom, with a houseful of sick people. Such a long letter, as she'd write, and put it aside, and take it up again later in the day. The little baby in her arms who didn't want to be put down is now 12, and is a fearless competitor and tender hearted evangelist. My sister who was such a tired, but funny mama then has seven children now and still doesn't see how utterly beautiful, competent and priceless she is.

A letter from an old friend, chatty, and missing the day to day of being best friends after we moved away. More from my sisters as they come to visit us in our little house, as we're pregnant at the same time.

And one sad letter from our great Opa, who is with Jesus now, pouring out his heart and worries in a letter that is too short, and makes me ache to have just one more visit with him.

These letters were too precious to throw out after i'd read them, and as i carefully fold each one up, and tuck them into their envelopes, i realize how blessed i am to have given my heart away so profligately. To have loved so many people, and to have found them utterly worthy of my love.

I wrap them carefully in a bag, and tuck them away again - a time capsule to remind me of the beauty of love on days when i'm the tired mama, the lonely grandma, far away sister...

Am I Doing This Right?

2011-07-26T08:43:00.001-06:00

We're moving in eight days and we've got rid of so much so far. And we are even replacing a few things so that we'll have to move less...

And i'm noticing how much i second guess myself. It comes from a good place, i think. I want to make sure what we buy fits our larger than average family. But man, what agonizing till i finally just decided to do what i loved best.

In our homeschool this year i don't have as free a reign - my eldest has weighed in on how he wants to tackle high school - and i've been stressing. But maybe having a little less choice will be freeing in the longrun?

Welcome, Baby Seven Million!

2011-07-21T12:55:00.001-06:00

A friend forwarded this article to me, detailing the deprecation faced by the famous Beckham family for having a fourth child.

There have always been nasty old grumps who've wished for apocalypse, but none more worthy of ridicule as modern day "scientists" who refuse to learn from centuries of data and common observation.

Babies are not the problem, the heartlessness of some who advocate forced abortions, sterilizations and penalties for families who believe differently than they do, are.

It is sad that anyone listens to the sociopaths.

For the rest of you, bravo for refusing to be indoctrinated into seeing a new baby as anything less than a new human, a new hope, a new mind, a new solution.

Baby Seven Billion, welcome to the world! You are wanted, loved, and just as worthy of life as any of the other 6 999 999 999! And if you are seven billion and a half, my arms and heart are open! Help us become a better society, teach us about our true purpose as you chase yours.

We begin in love, and we melt into it in the end. There are no unwanted children, only little ones born to broken grown ups. We all are part of God's plan for the planet, and we cannot spare even one life for the eugenicists who think they know better than He.

Mother Theresa said it best:

"Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child."

We don't need each unborn human to submit a justification for their conception and a plan for how they intend to most profitably exploit their time on our planet. They have the right, as any of us had who were carried and born, to live.

I doubt the Beckhams intended to be a prolife example, but in having another child, they do become an example to the world, with a simple message:

Another baby? Lovely!

Walking Through Water

2011-07-04T17:19:00.000-06:00

I had a dream the other night. You know, one of those dreams that you wake up and still remember, and it seems so didactic, that you decide to blog it...

I was at the beach, and there were lines in the water - like ropes, just beneath the surface.

I stepped out onto the rope, and found i could easily walk on it... I followed the "road" made by the rope way far out into the water - and then the rope seemed to descend under the water. I thought for a minute - this is so insane already.... What if i go under?

But then, i've been walking on this narrow little way, and i may as well just trust that this will continue to work.

I stepped out - the water came up to my shins. Another step - up to my knees. My waist, my shoulders, one more would take me under. What do i do? Keep going? How will i breathe?

I decide to stay on the path. I could try to step off, and swim back to shore, but i want to see how this works. I take one more step, and someone swims up behind me, puts something on my nose, and swims off like a fish, so fast i can't make out who it was - and i can breathe.... I turn around, and on the rope behind me is.... my own little school of people - Wyatt, all gangly and tall, and uncertain, chubby little Uly, stolidly putting foot in front of foot...

And, it feels good.

Interpretations? I am thinking walk of faith... and that how we respond when we are left to lean on God does more to teach our littles than a lot of beautifully written published books read aloud... Interesting to me that the final destination wasn't part of the dream...

Hebrewss 11:32-40

³² And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, ³³ who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, ³⁴ quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. ³⁵ Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. ³⁶ Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. ³⁷ They were put to death by stoning;^[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— ³⁸ the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

³⁹ These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, ⁴⁰ since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

Having a house for sale is a lot like being pregnant and overdue....

2011-06-28T22:06:00.000-06:00

at least, having a house for sale for more than a week, which is kind of our maximum up till now.

Nobody means to, but everyone who asks "how's it going with the house" is just like the person who asks you, heavy with child, slow as a tree, weary as the world, "When are you going to have that baby?"

Like you have any say in the matter, or anything new to say until the matter is complete.

I am a planner. I keep our budget in a lined notebook, comparing numbers, tracking trends. I plan ahead for the next school year, keeping a section in a notebook filled with ideas for next year, new curricula that looks interesting, possible involvements.

I budget our time as a family, making sure the children get to try lots of things, but that we are not too overbooked to enjoy a lot of 'quality time" together as a family.

And now, i'm waiting, and trying to calculate what date is it that beyond which is the thought of staying here, alone, in this town, with seven children and no husband, while he finds room and board somewhere else.

I almost cannot bear it.

Everything that is asked of me is too much. Can I? Will I? Too much... I am hyper conscious that all of life could change in an instant, except that instead of embracing that uncertainty, i try to anaesthetize myself against it by compulsively reading, escaping into other worlds, even for just moments at a time, or getting out of the house, out into nature with the littles, or running errands, to feel like i am *doing something* that will count towards the grand movement of the universe, the actions of others.

"You can't make anyone do anything" My husband intones, slowly and heavily. He feels the same as me, but we take turns carrying worry and buoying the other up. When i row through misery, he is scanning the harbour, sure we'll see it any moment, and when i climb up the mast, he is sure there are rocks beneath us...

Balance, at this point, is a good compromise for peace.

I will write another post on my manic day, when i am full of wild, fierce joy and faith. When i know (as i know now, even) that in all of this, God has a plan for us, and it is a good plan. Problem is, i know some of His good plans of the past have been *hard* to walk through in the moment.

Psalm 119:71

It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes

I know, i know, i am learning patience, trust, faith. I know He will show me something beautiful at the end of the hard part. But this is the stretching, the waiting, the "i don't know how much more i can take" time. And i feel full of something good, but something i am so ready for, eager, impatient for.

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide, and I will fill it."

Psalm 81:10

Sitting here in Limbo...

2011-06-17T13:14:00.000-06:00

Love this song... my friend Sheldon turned me on to Tuck and Patti when i was in college, and i still go there...

Anyway, we are still waiting for our house to sell, and i've packed up a ton. I have cleaned and cleaned for showings, and i'm so ready to have a new address and start ordering homeschool supplies for next year, and just *relax*...

But today, i'm going to listen to Patti Cathcart Andress and quit "putting up resistance" and just let my faith lead me on :) -

Meanwhile, hoping the rain will end so we can do "the first day of vacation" again... This was nice in Jasper...

Summer Plans!

2011-05-28T22:09:00.000-06:00

Well, first of all, my big plan is to sell this house, pack it all up, clean it thoroughly, move to a new city and a new house, unpack, and breathe a sigh of relief.

But, i'm not sure about the timeline, so i'm trying not to chew up the inside of my lips (stop that!) and instead, in between pages and pages of math comparing various amounts of equity with various amounts of mortgages, combined with various amounts of property tax...

My big fat summer plan!

i was thinking i'd like Mimi to learn her alphabet this summer... i found the *cutest* alphabet book at the library today...

Charley Harper's ABCs

http://www.amazon.ca/Charley-Harper-ABCs-Chunky/dp/1934429074/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1306641747&sr=8-2

it's on my wishlist now for Sept :) - so cute! Reminds me of my childhood... he's got a few books and the illustrations take me back to the 70s :)

Oh, and i should tell you about the *other* awesome book i've discovered...

Shaun Tan "Lost and Found"

http://www.amazon.ca/Lost-Found-Shaun-Tan/dp/0545229243/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306641847&sr=1-1

It's three short stories - they are kind of short, and...dark? Maybe? All i know is, Wyatt (15) adored it, and baby Mimi (3) memorized most of it in the first few hours we had it in the house. Very very beautiful art - much like his gorgeous "The Arrival" (a wordless book about immigration).

Other plans for summer - finishing math and i'm open to ideas for getting boys to write neatly! I did the Memoria Press copybooks this year, and they were fairly painless, and the boys liked them - but none of the everyday writing improved at all... Am i missing something?

Moving...

2011-05-26T09:37:00.000-06:00

well, it's been twenty days since i've posted on here, and i have a minute so i will write down what's running through my head and later on look back and remember what it felt like to be here...

We are moving again. On one hand, i'm very excited - we are going to a bigger centre, with more opportunities for the children (a community college!). T is excited to be back at the elementary level (K-9) and in a Christian school, which is where he first started out, in Kelowna, BC, though :), and we're excited to find a church family there, too.

I immediately packed up a whole bunch so that we could show the house without a whole pile of bric a brac distracting people, and we've had i think six showings so far in the first two weeks.

We went down to Grande Prairie last weekend and did a whirlwind tour of houses, and found a "top four" :) but the market there is amazing, and there are so many nice houses. Any of the top four i would feel lucky to be living in.

There are things i am going to miss so sharply when we are gone, though, and every once in awhile, i get a little twinge of it, and try to put it out of my mind - there is time for sorrow later, later, later....

We took the children out to the boardwalk to hike while one showing was going on, and it was such a perfect, warm, beautiful, green day - we took pictures and let them run - saw the beaver, enjoyed the golden light....

Last night i had the one other member of the fiddle group i'm in over - we're all staggering our holidays :) but this week only two of us were able to get together - we played through pretty much the whole book in alphabetical order... So sweet to be playing two parts with Kirsten :)

My friend Kim came over with her little ones - her baby is so chubby and adorable, and i don't think i will see him walk, at least not right away. Same with Natalie's little dolly... And the friends without little babies are just as true, and solid. My boys are over at their best friend's or their besties are over here almost every day...

Took the children for a private field trip to the bakery, which they loved - to a school assembly (Ryan Leech on his mountain bike - so awesome!) at the next door high school where we are always welcomed and treated so good, even though we are homeschoolers. Two of them were out stocking fish ponds with the conservation officers this week, and of course, our main go to is the library, for hiding out during showings, or just for a little bit of respite in what has become a little stressful time :)

BUT (wow this is long...)

I think back to the hardest move we ever did. I think it was the one where i was due on our moving date. Not sure - the next one i gave birth 13 days after the move, to my fifth child, but with my fourth, we moved away from all our family, to a different province, to find the landlady had gutted the bathroom, so we had no shower facilities, plus i went into labour the very next morning, and we couldn't get ahold of my dad, who had come to help us move, and was in a hotel, on a conference call... And we were only half unpacked out of the Uhaul...

And yet there, in Pincher Creek Hospital, a song kept running through my head - a song that said

"I'm here/ to meet with You/ Come and meet with me/
I'm here to find You/ Reveal yourself to me/
As i wait, You make me strong/As I long, draw me to your arms/
As I stand and sing your praise/You come, you come and you fill this place

Won't you come, Won't you come and fill this place

(Ten Shekel Shirt)

I had such peace during that labour, as Travis darted between me and the three little children sitting on the other side of the curtain (a kind nurse took pity on them and whisked them off to coloring books and apple juice after a few minutes). I said to Travis at one point in the labour "We thought we knew no one here, but we do! We know Jesus and He's here with us!"... It was so true, and i was so grateful.

Now, we are looking at this move, with excitement and trepidation, keeping our house as spotless as a family with seven children can, packing up a storm, and underneath, there is one of my running songs from my ipod playlist - by Steven Curtis Chapman - Yours...

No matter where we move, we are moving into God's neighbourhood, and moving in His presence. He is with us, and He has a plan here...

I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Somthing that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry

Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded
That every street in London in Yours
Oh, yes it is

I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find

And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours

And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar's hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize

That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father's world

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything

It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God

You're the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
Yeah, it's all Yours
We are Yours
The glory and honor is Yours, everything is Yours

It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours

Why so quiet?

2011-05-06T21:32:00.000-06:00

It's been so hard to not be posting all the time on here... No, i didn't take one of those internet vows of abstinence :) - but we were working through a possible move and now here we are, on the other side, and i can talk!

We're moving! Again!

In my life, before marrying sweet T, i lived in twelve places (well, two were the same, when i moved back in with my parents in my second year of college). Since marrying T, i've lived in seven places. This makes nineteen total, which, not to break anyone's illusions about my age, means on average i'm moving every two years.

But we've been in Hinton for five years... A record for me! When we moved here, i prayed that God would let us settle in, and we sure have. So many things make Hinton a wonderful place for us to live and for our children to grow up. But we have a huge peace about this move, the children are excited, and there is a sense of adventure again.

Most of my days now are spent waking up all jittery and packing a few boxes before breakfast, through to spackling nail holes before bed... checking homeschool and making lunch and then running to find my flylady moving control journal and jotting down one more thing to remember... These weeks will fly by so quickly, and i'm trying to enjoy every last fiddle practice with my friends, every little music get together, every children's choir practice and performance, every last run through the trails and drive down to the grocery store while the mountains loom majestic through the car windshield...

Birthday parties...

2011-05-05T13:02:00.000-06:00

we have two little friends who are so special to us - Jake and Dex are less than a year apart, and curly headed and super cute. Haven babysits for them every week, and we love having the little guys over here, too...

Jen had a birthday party for them and invited all of the children. I asked Wy if he wanted to go, seeing as the other little friends were preschoolers/toddlers (Jake and Dex are now 2 and 1! Happy birthday!)... He took a minute to think and said "Will there be cake..."? well, yeah - so of course he'll go.

How much fun is it when we can all go together to something. So many forces in our culture make it really hard for a bigger family, who is not public schooling, to be friends with the same people. Mom and baby meet other moms and babies while the bigger children are at school, each child is segregated into their 12 month bracket, and socializing happens in little chunks. And that's okay - it's the dominant culture, and we're okay with not always fitting in. The tradeoffs are worth it. And it's a blessing to a child sometimes to have a friend who is just their special friend, just their age, who understands the things they are interested in and can just enjoy the same things with...

but it was so sweet of Jen to borrow a room at the church, and invite all seven children to come to celebrate their little friends' birthdays... They all had a fun time, too much cake, watched all the littles toddling around, played games with them, caught candy from the pinata... What a sweet morning!

Another season, another idea for keeping my sanity :)

2011-04-22T15:39:00.000-06:00

God is so good to me! It seems every once in awhile i get this idea, and it's just what i need to do, RIGHT NOW. Not a ton of ideas to write down and remember, but just manna for the day.

And today's idea came out of the blue this morning.

to set the scene:

Lately, the house has been FULL of sound. Ulysses is five, and he talks nonstop, and very loud. Baby Meow babbles back to him, and shrieks with delight.

Anaia runs and joins in their games and has to be called back at some point to do her work with mama at the table... Lulu finishes early every day and is ready for fun (which is a blessing on the days when he wants to go play outside with a little friend, but if he is running and playing, too, it adds to the din!)

The three biggies plug away at their work, and Silas usually finishes before lunch, but Haven and Wyatt are using Saxon math this year, and it's taking so long to get everything done. Doesn't help that Wyatt usually has a few novels assigned every week, and Haven's reading assignments pile up, too...

So today, it was beautiful, sunny, and after breakfast, Bible time, and chores, i got the four youngest dressed in coats and boots and we took off to the park, leaving the three biggies with a quiet house.

The littles had a blast, i took pictures, the biggies got their work done in peace, and all in all, SUCCESS!

Thank you Jesus :)

My huge famaly...

2011-04-14T20:57:00.000-06:00

Lately Lulu's been getting up super early and doing ALL his homeschool before lunch - sometimes most of it is done before breakfast!

He's such a cheerful little monkey, and he sure lifts my spirits. He ran out of space in his handwriting book and as it was still the wee hours, he decided to make his own copywork. So he drew a few *quick* lines across the page, wrote a prayer, and copied it out. It might not be the best handwriting sample i've ever seen, but man do i relate to the prayer:

Here's what it says, if you can't read it :)

I am thankful Lord Jesus
for my huge famaly.
And that the snow is going AWAY.

(amen).

I woke up to masses of the white stuff after a couple weeks of thaw - we weren't free, but it was grey skiffs of ice all over, not drifts of sugary white snow... Now i will readjust my attitude and get through the last little bit of winter - surely spring is on it's way...

Sunday afternoon

2011-04-10T19:39:00.000-06:00

This week has been a whirlwind. The stars all aligned and i was out of the house or inaccessible to my children all week long, every night. During the day, we'd still have homeschool, and on Friday we had Fun Fabulous Friday, but even then, they knew there was something coming up that evening, something that would make me miss dinner, and miss reading another chapter of Farmer Boy.

Today was the first day in seven where we had no commitments, and i kinda... pushed.

To get outside.

to breathe fresh air

But mostly, to just be alone, together.

There is something so healing, especially to little people who are starved for mama, to be out of doors, where the inside house rules don't apply, where they can explore, and walk next to me, and tell me things, discover.

We went down to the Athabasca River, where ice damming has flooded the paths we usually walk on. Still, we threw rocks to break the mushy ice, examined the russian olive berries, watched the train rumble by, way high above on the tracks.

It's funny how, when i spend less time with the children, i have so much less patience. I don't want a run in my nylons, i know in some place in the back of my head that i have twenty minutes, so best not start a puzzle or a chapter and have to leave before we're through. i'm sure it's sensible, but...

It steals my joy.

It was all fun stuff, this week. Or commitments that i had to honor. But i am so glad for today, for peace, for nature, and for God making all things new...

Nervous about the future...

2011-04-05T21:40:00.000-06:00

I was talking to my dad today and said how i hate uncertainty. I love to have life mapped out as best i can, for the next week, month, six months, year, five years :)...

My husband is not such a long range planner in his personal life, and i think i drive him crazy...

But my dad just chuckled and said 'I wonder where you get that..." (from him, of course...)

anyway, i have been worried a little bit about homeschooling high school. To the point where i've offered to "let" my son go to high school (okay, some days it's more like threaten him) next year...

I've read all the brain articles that talk about how teens need different sleep patterns, and i'm trying to be okay with his later nights and later mornings - and he is an accomodating lad and is so helpful when he's up :)... It's one of the perks of homeschooling that i can work within his biorhythms and he can learn at the time of day when he is most awake and alert -

but i admit, i've been worrying about high school.

I've got a friend, Grace, who tells me to "just keep on - high school is no different"...

And then i read this article tonight, called "Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd - And Yours Will Be, Too"
http://www.homeschoolnewslink.com/blog/?p=629

And i found it oddly comforting.

Not because it gave me a new idea of how to ensure that Wy has the perfect future - but because it reminded me of why i'm homeschooling in the first place...

Toward the end of the article, Diane Flynn Keith writes:

"... I suspect you aren’t normal or especially well-socialized either. Somehow you were impervious to social conditioning enough to think outside the box. You’re probably a little odd too. No offense, but most of the homeschool parents I know, are. I include myself among them. We’re either deliberate, accidental, or reluctant social misfits who imbue our children with a set of values and beliefs that resist the siren songs of government schooling, pop culture, and social engineering."

That is as good a summation as I've heard for "why do i homeschool"... Yes, there are practical reasons, there are religious reasons, there are political reasons, there are even relationship and aesthetic reasons (homeschooling isn't just an educational choice, it's a lifestyle, and one i love!) - but they all kind of boil down to my basic attitude which is "question everything"...

And maybe that's not a bad place to be for the high school years...

Even worse than being on a diet...

2011-04-05T14:25:00.000-06:00

is having eight life coaches.

I made philly cheesesteaks (that look so wrong all typed out) and potatoes for lunch.

Haven knows i am partial to the tubers. "Mom, ... Potatoes aren't on your diet, are they?"...

I, trying to cover up, 'Well, they're not really allowed, but they're not as bad as other things..."

Haven "OOOOOOOOH... so as long as it's not as bad as... say, cotton candy, you can have it?"...

Wicked grin...

sigh.

Spring Break!

2011-03-29T22:12:00.000-06:00

There are two ways to look at Spring Break - one is to make big plans, and get disappointed when they fall apart - big plans being things like get out of the house every day...

the other way is to go with the flow, sleep in every day, and do whatever sounds good and requires the least work.

That's the kind of spring break we're having!

The first day, we looked out the windows to a little soft mini blizzard. It snowed on our house most of the day, and we had about a foot of fluffy new white stuff.

We could cry :) - i really did want to try a good hike this week - but instead we ran down to Walmart and came back with a few new board games. I discovered my true calling! - the most persevering Risk player probably in the world (i don't want to brag, but i am, anyway). Also KerPlunk for the littles - with nine people, one board game doesn't work, and the ages are so disparate...

Anyway, i've played more Kerplunk and Risk than i have ever played in my life up to this point, and i'm having fun!

Last night we watched The Postman, and for the first time i didn't like a scifi post apocalyptic movie... (oh, how i tried)... We're reading a lot of theology lately, T and I, and discussing - because we have time to talk and if we stay up late, we'll just sleep in in the morning.

Then today my sister Jess dropped by...

This week is going to fly by so quickly, but i'm savouring every second...

Babe Meow is FREE!

2011-03-26T20:11:00.000-06:00

Tiny dolly... now, she says, she is a "Big Girl" while holding up her three tiny fingers... We've had a busy and fun weekend (i'm counting Friday :)..) so far, and tonight i hope they all sleep soundly, full of cake and happiness.

A third birthday is so much fun! Babe Meow loved her cake, her presents, and most of all, being the queen... Haven kept asking her to push the pedals of her new trike with her feet, and Meow considered it... "Say Pweeze..." she said imperiously. "Please?" said Haven sweetly. "No." And she pushed off with her feet away from Haven...

Ken Ham? Peter Enns? Who Wins?

2011-03-26T10:11:00.000-06:00

On Facebook lately there is a battle raging *between believers*.

Makes me so sad.

Who wins? Does Jesus? Does Ken Ham? Peter Enns?

Who wins in my mind? Lenny Kravitz :)

Let Love Rule...

I remember once as a young mom, i met a funny old man, while we were both attending the weekly prayer vigil outside of Kelowna General Hospital, where abortions were being performed. He told me how lonely he was, how his wife and children had abandoned him.

He said his name was Dr. Logos, and i invited him to our home for Thanksgiving dinner.

We realized that he believed himself to be somebody from the Bible (a figure from the book of Revelation), and as he talked more and more and i also struggled with something else. Something didn't seem quite right.

I prayed about it, and this verse came to mind:

1 John 4:1 "Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world." NIV

"But how do i "test the spirits", God?" i prayed...

Matthew 7:15Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. 16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? 17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. 18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. 19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

"Okay, but how do i test their "fruit"?" I think i was thinking on the common Churchianity term "fruits" which means "how did what they do turn out?" - Sometimes bad things happen to good people, but we didn't dwell on that for long at the types of churches i attended - if the "fruit" was bad, probably you shouldn't emulate them...

But then, this...

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22)

And soon after, our guest began a virulent diatribe against the Catholics - basically blood libel against them (which i had never heard before!), and all manner of hate - he spat as he talked of them and his whole face changed.

When he went home, i felt like God had shown me something useful in life, and you know, it really has been a very helpful illustration. The Bible says "Love covers a multitude of sins" )1 Peter 4:8; James 5:20) and i don't think God always means "Love overlooks and tries to cover up other people's sins" - i think
a lot of times it means that because we love much, God forgives much...

Luke 7:47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

This was Jesus, talking about a prostitute.

Thing is, we all have failings. But as brothers and sisters, if we could discuss it with *deep* love, if we could keep the conversation open, with no name calling, and no scorn and dismissal - then we would let Love rule, and He would be seen to win on facebook, or our homeschool support groups. Because He's going to win, anyway, at the end.

On the treadmill this morning, i had the television left on, muted, and headphones on with AccuRadio playing worhip music, and every song seemed to be urging me to write this out...
With the volume out, it was easy to imagine that every situation on TV was worship as well - a football player with his arm around his fellow player (they must be praying together) - a grandmother, ecstatic about her grandchildren coming to visit, dropping to her knees in spontaneous worship to God :)...

He is so worthy of our worship, and loving each other is a spiritual act of worship. It's not compromise to be loving...

spring days...

2011-03-24T21:43:00.000-06:00

Travis took all these pictures. He's the nice daddy who takes two tinies and their across the street friend to the playground to play in the midst of all the snow. I'm the mama who huddles downstairs by the fireplace, wishing for no more snow...

Everyone i talk to says it's been a long, hard winter. I feel that way, too. As you get older, you have more benchmarks - Pain? Once that meant childbirth, then i had kidney stones and my benchmark for pain changed :)... - bad year? Well, no year can be as bad as the one where we lost our little one, or when we had to tell our littles some very very sad news (and then saw God answer prayers in a mighty way to save a marriage we all cared deeply about).

But in its own way, this has been one of the hardest six months. It's been a long, painful, slow fall and winter, and as my body recovered from it's problems, and my house was slowly fixed and insurance grated it's rusty wheels, and the third problem just kind of rotted into a pile that doesn't smell so good, and i had to be content with... well, i am looking forward to spring.

I'm waiting for the piano tuner to come and tune my new piano, and meanwhile, sometimes i just can't stand waiting anymore, and i go and slowly, tentatively poke out chords to one of those songs that rings in my head and heart...

Homeschooling Through Sickness

2011-03-10T21:48:00.001-07:00

well, snow flew in November and after four months, i think i am just plumb worn out.

Everyone looks white and grey from not going outside - and it's not that cold right now! But a few days in a row of -30, and the fireplace and couches look pretty good to little people, and we gradually are low in vitamin D and succumb to whatever stalks the frozen tundra where we live :)

So, the flu. Pathetic little people, and big boys, and mamas, dizzy and tired and just plain zonkered. What to do?

Well, the nice thing about homeschooling is that even if you're sick, you can still go to school (Yay! Groan...) But i'm finding the value in being gentle with sick people (especially when the sick person is me)... So a lot of school has happened with a few people tucked under my (electric) blanket up in my room - some of our schoolwork has been paused, while the really important bits get attention. A few extras have been brought out (Live Mocha, www.justiceharvard.org, homemade copywork books). And at least one dubbed Cantonese movie has been watched in the middle of the day by open mouthed, slack jawed, dead eyed mom and children (CJ7 - watch it! so cute! a tiny bit disturbing!)

So - are you gentle with yourself during sickness? How do you make it work?

Oh - and if you need a little copywork for someone small and confined to bed :) - here is a Raggedy Ann copywork booklet with the introduction to the book (public domain!) - i just formatted it...

My darling, my own

2011-03-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

Today was a hard day. Just one of those really really "grind 'em down" days. We sat down to dinner, and i think i looked as glum as my husband. Not for any good reason, just worn out, and knowing that bedtime was still hours away...

And then my beautiful boy stood up at the table and did a little dance.

Yesterday was his birthday party - today was his birthday. Today was the "meltdown of too much sugar, not enough sleep" - a lot of tears and yelling by little people whose feelings were irrationally hurt. But somebody started singing at the table, and he got up to shake his little booty.

And i looked over at T, and his face was bright with a huge grin. He loves this little guy - and i love them both.

Ulysses is my sturdy little tonka truck of a boy. He almost always wears Spiderman shirts, and he's begging his big brother Lulu (who is 8) to get a spiderman t shirt too, so that they can be "matchin' guys".

It's like having SpongeBob in my house nonstop, because he's just as sunny and just as silly.

He's five now, and we still call him one of the "babies". And he doesn't mind. And he still kisses me in public.

sweet Ulysses...

Thankful #19- It's Friday - do i even need anything else?

2011-02-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

So, continuing with the gratefulness (i'm not going to make every post about gratefulness, but i'm on a roll here, hear me out!)

#19. It's Friday! Which is Cheat Day - also Date Night. No homeschool, but getting caught up on household stuff (like laundry and budgets) and also making sugar cookies shaped like Link with my boys and a few friends

(Diamonds For Dessert is a beautiful blog filled with inspiring things made of sugar and other things that on most days i'm not allowed to eat... but today it made my day, and my boy's day, too. Sorry, no pictures as we ate them up as soon as we painted on Link's little face/hair/cap :))

#20. It's Friday! So everyone is in bed, the Oilers are on TV, and we're sharing Haagen Dasz. I don't have to do anything else today, and our weekend is a blank slate.

#21. Reading Little House on the Prairie with Anaia tonight... I am so tired, but she cuddles up next to me in bed and she smells so nice and it's such a fun way to end the day.

#22. Outside of my room, the wind is blowing like crazy, but we are warm and cozy. i love that.

#23. Okay, this last one is a little weird, but i'm on an email list, and someone sent in an article about Monsanto, and all the other ladies piled on, and i was quiet, but it felt so nice to see that so many other people felt *exactly* the same way that i do about this company. Gives me hope :) and also makes me feel like i'm not the only one with reservations about how our "stewardship of the earth" is going...

So glad it's the weekend! I'm planning to do nothing. What about you?

My Thousand Gifts

2011-02-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

Ann Voskamp, of the blog A Holy Experience has a new book (A Thousand Gifts) and a challenge that has been taken up by a zillion bloggers, but not me.

Until now. Maybe it shows me to be the shallow person i am, but i haven't started my thanksgiving list, partially because i've been so wallowing in complaints. Not all the time, and i fight against it, but this time of year is the hardest for me to be thankful in.

So maybe it's the best time to start my thanksgiving lists...

1. God found me and loved me, all on His own. He didn't get mad that i wanted to hear from Him for my own self. He understood and came to me.

2. God gave me what i asked for in letting sweet T marry me (and i think there will be many more in this list, of all the other reasons for thanksgiving, but i'll start now and add more later)

3. T is still as patient as he was when we met

4. Still as kind

5. Far more romantic

6. Intentional about marriage and about parenting in a world that feels scarily careless to me most of the time.

7. I live in the Rockies, amid the grandeur of God, like the poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins "It flames out, like the shining from shook foil"

8. God speaks. In a world that wants to debate if He is, or isn't, or if it's all just narrative to be synthesized and analyzed. He speaks to me, sometimes through His Word, sometimes through His people, but always in a way that i can sense His presence, and feel His nearness, and know that He hasn't grown tired of me yet.

9. He's given me a place of beauty, to be the mother of each of these children:

10

11

13.

14.

15.

16.

17. Music is a way i can say what i need to say, worship in the way i feel fluid, and make the world go back to where it's supposed to be.

18. My body works. The MRI results came today (well, at least they were revealed to me :)...) and they were clear. I don't have MS. I am going back to my regular life, to fiddling, to exercise, to doing the things that mothers do, and if i have trouble, well, like the three Hebrew boys said "but if not"... Even if things were to turn and i were down again, i still have hope in the goodness of God, in His presence with me through fear and trouble, and i trust that He is in control, and in the end all will be as He wills.

Winter Blahs...

2011-02-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

Terry from Tidbits sent through a blogpost about seasonal rhythms - how we aren't meant to be as productive in the winter... Those types of things are always so reassuring to me... until i realize that around here, winter is half the year!

We've had a crazy school year so far, with a disaster around every corner, and three biggies hitting within 24 hours, which have all taken up a lot of mama's physical, emotional and spiritual energy...

But I am so blessed to have a husband who can take me from this:

to this.

And all it took was a little sunshine, a little walk, and a little chattin' with my tiny peeps. "Why do Eskimos live up Norf? What do dey eat if nuffin' grows there? How do dey fish? Where do dey get STRING for them fishin' rods?"...

You're right, Uly. We are blessed to be where we are... and to be with each other.

Fun Fabulous... thursday?

2011-02-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

Hm... something is up.

We weren't over the stomach flu in time to go with Daddy to Auntie's house, so we stayed home. But meanwhile i had carefully planned the week so we could do a week's worth of schoolwork in three days. We stayed the course, and now we have a four day weekend.

And i'm feeling sad that we never got to go, so i'm sure i'm making up for it...

Anyway, we cleaned up and did a little math that was leftover, then took off - took back the movie we rented last night (Despicable Me! Loved it! Gru was Wyatt, and three girls were... our three girls - so cute!), went to McDonald's for lunch (and i was good and had salad. i love Big Macs and fries... i am a cheap date! But i'd rather have my cheat day date with Travis :)) - then to the mall - where some of the children spent some of their allowance, and i tried to think of something good enough for my prince, but...

Then to the library, where they have

a/ an exhibit on the train crash that happened here in 1986
b/ an exhibit of 100 years of great toys :)!!
c/ an art installation called 100 Dresses

(by this artist - go see her website - it's all encaustic painting - very beautiful and such a fun exhibit!)
http://www.nicolebauberger.com/

this one is called "Three dresses and their shadows skiing by moonlight"

And the librarians had made a scavenger hunt. The children split up into teams, and when i took a look at the sheet, my heart kind of sank, because it was pretty involved, but they had a great time! We took out some books and movies, and back home to a roast all done in the oven, and some biggies trudged over to the corner store for another movie (the Princess and the Frog) that they wanted to see which wasn't at the library..

Another movie night - another big red bowl of popcorn and blankets and cuddles...

I know if i were at my sister's house, it would be fun, but *i* feel like we redeemed the day off today :)... Now, how to top this tomorrow... :)

Seventh Child

2011-02-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Do you think she's a tiny tad bit spoiled?

Here is the song we sing regularly in my house... (in brackets imagine a very tiny elf singing her part as a call and response to my song, sung to the tune of " Mr. Roger's Neighbourhood")

me "who's the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood?" (Meow : "me")
me "the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood?" (Meow: "me")
me: "Is it MEow?" (Meow: "yes!")
me: "Is it Meow?" (Meow: "yes!")
"Meow is my little dolly..."

I just love how she's so matter of fact and definite about the fact that SHE is the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood... I think having a 15 year old brother who drops everything to clasp his hands and say "Isn't it so CUUUUUUUTE?" about seven times a day doesn't hurt either...

One on one...

2011-02-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

One on one times has been harder for us where we live now that it has been before. For one, we have no family within a 3 hour drive - and we don't have a lot of friends at this point that are at the same stage we are - i.e. with babies and teens at the same time. When we were young marrieds, we had a ton of friends who had a baby we could swap babysitting with. Now, we have babysitters at home all the time, but it's not the same as having an adult there that you love and trust...

But sometimes, you just gotta do it. So, i'll grab one child and go grocery shopping (or one child plus the babies, who are now 2 and 4), or T will take someone out for breakfast, or we've even sent a couple out for dinner just to bond :)..

Yesterday was one of those days. Silas is one of those children who runs hot and cold, and he had just had *enough*. If we had a five bedroom house, he is the one i would give the extra bedroom to (maybe.?) - He just craves alone time and silence and in an average sized house filled with six siblings and at least one parent, that's hard to come by. I've made little forts in basement closets, storage rooms, and furnace rooms, just so that he'd have someplace to hide out and draw his comics or read a book, or listen to music on his ipod, and feel still inside.

But yesterday - it seemed like chaos was breaking out all day. Not a hard day, but loud and chaotic and verging on hysteria all day on all fronts... filled with a lot of laughs, but just hard for Silas.

T came home, and i said "Dinner's in the oven, but i need to go out". Bless him! He said "Sure", and distracted the others while i got Si out to the car.

Do you remember being ten? I remember swearing I'd remember what it was like (so i would be soooooooo much nicer than my mom! LOL!) - but honestly, i had forgotten. So many things came swimming up to the surface. Worries that only a ten year old has, worries brought on the front page of the paper lately, and the conversations he's heard between the older people in the house. I sat there in McDonald's while he sucked down his milkshake and dinner... and just - listened. Sat there, watching him, listening.

Sometimes we just need to be heard. He's the strong, silent type. But i'm so glad i got that time, one on one.

You see what i have to deal with here? Homeschool writing assignment...

2011-02-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

Assignment: Write an "interview report" (enter three pages of explanations about how to interview someone and then write a convincing background report that uses the interview to describe the person)

In two parts, this is what i get:

First, the Interview.

Wyatt’s interview with Silas

By Wyatt

Wyatt: So Silas, what’s that you’re writing?

Silas: Well, Wyatt, it’s a personal attack. To mom, and you!

Wyatt says: Gee whiz kid! What’s that supposed to mean!?

Silas: Well, you give yourself the answer! You asked, what’s that supposed to mean! The answer is, you’re both mean!!!!!

Wyatt: Wowzers! But I’m not mean! And neither is mom! Why do you think we are?

Silas: Well it’s because.. Well actually, just, you are.

Wyatt: That’s cruel.

Silas: Well, mom is sort of also nasty. You know, I wrote a report about how I hated reports and then she said, “That’s just a rant about how you hate reports!!” Exclamation point, Exclamation point!!

Wyatt: Sounds like everyone’s being mean to you, Silas! What would you say?

Silas: Well, in my report I said I wanted to rip everyone’s, and everything’s head off right now!!!! Even the things that don’t have heads!!!!!!

Wyatt: Golly!

Silas: Mra! Mra! Mra! Ha! Mra ha ha ha! Time for a rap!! Didly dap! Didly didly dap!! That’s more like it….

Wyatt: Well, it’s about time to wrap this report up Silas. It’s been a blast! :D

Silas: LIES!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, as promised, Part II - the Interview report. (turned cyberpunk noir short story?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wyatt’s interview with Silas

By Wyatt

Today, I was assigned a hard job by the boss. She felt that we needed more articles, more good articles anyway, that covered human interest. And so, I suppose when she thought good quality, she thought of me.

I slipped my coat off onto the coat hanger, and took one last look out the still open door before I shut it. This might be the last time I see the outside world for a while. The street is mostly deserted, and only a flickering street lamp illuminates a black alley cat walking across the street. I sigh, and shut the door with a click.

Cautiously, I venture into the dark hallway, looking for the man I was sent to interview. The first room I pass is empty. A few blankets are thrown over a filthy couch, as the TV, on mute, attempts to sell the empty room new “life regeneration pills,” the newest craze on the cyber market. I sigh, and continue down the hallway. The next few doors are locked, but finally I find the right one.

Inside, crouching on a mat of quilts that seem to be stitched together from old dirtied rags is the man I’m looking for. My long lost brother, Silas the Terminal. His attention is still fixated on some point within, as he watches one of the many screens that make up his replacement compound eyes. I cautiously knock on the door, and his head instantly snaps to me. His lips curl back, beneath the brim of the machinery, and his brown teeth are bared. In less then a second he’s leapt forward, powerful animatronic legs throwing him with cannonball force towards me. I whip up my bioengineered gator muscle arm, and though I’m knocked back its nothing fatal. I quickly lope over to the man, wires and organs still hooked up into the machine that covered most of the wall. “Relax.” I say forcibly. “I’m not here to sell you out.” He gurgles incoherently, and one of the multitude of robotic insect arms gestures to a cable that’s come unplugged from his hard robotic biosuit.

I find the jack, and plug it back in. Now his voice comes normally over the speakers in the room, and we continue our conversation though nothing has happened. “If not to sell me out, then whatever are you here for, eye?” He spits the word like a curse. I chuckle a little. I was, after all, a private eye. No beating round the bush with Silas. Just because I was working for the press currently, obviously, changed nothing in his twisted mind. “It’s just basic paper work,” I sigh. “The boss found out we were related and she wants an interview with you.” “And if I refuse?” he snarled, emoticon flashing an angry red face. “Then she’ll turn you in, I would imagine.” He sneered. “So it’s black mail, then. Is it?”

I rolled my eyes. Well, I rolled my human eye. The super high definition bioengineered recorder eagle eye, the piece of surgery that gave my job its name, was too valuable to spin meaninglessly. The surgery to get the nuclear battery replaced in it alone was daylight robbery. “Looks like it.” “Fine, then.” he said, just as happy to surrender as fight. Silas had never been a brave one, even when he was on the run from the medical institute.

A few minutes later, he was unplugged from everything that he could be unplugged from, and seated on the previously mentioned filthy couch, while I sat on the TV, a clipboard of questions in my hand. I liked to start things easily.

Wyatt: “So what’s that you’re writing, Silas?”

He glanced at me through the lens, irately, obviously irked I had caught him composing email.

Silas: “Well, Wyatt, it’s a personal attack. To your boss and you.”

I blinked my open eye. That was forthright of him. How unexpected.

Wyatt: “Gee whiz man! What’s that supposed to mean!?”

His emoticon on the monitor on his stomach showed a yellow smile, evidently amused by choice of an expletive.

Silas: “Well, you give yourself the answer! You asked, what’s that supposed to mean! The answer is, you’re both mean!!!!”

I took the multiple exclamations points as a sure sign of his diseased mind. His English was becoming garbled, too. It was obvious he’d had no one to talk to but computers for far too long. Without being plugged into his backup online intelligence, it was likely his IQ would continue to fall though out our conversation.

Wyatt: “Wowzers! But I’m not mean! And neither is my boss! Why do you think are?”

His eyes narrowed in concentration of thought.

Silas: “Well, because… actually, just you are.”

I gave him a long one eyed look. It was intended to make him squirm, and squirm he did.

Wyatt: “That’s cruel.”

He surrendered, in the only way he felt he could- by badmouthing my boss behind her back.

Silas: “Well, the boss is sort of nasty also, you know. I wrote a article anonymously for her paper, about how I hate her paper, but the return email called it a rant of an idiotic and deteriorating mind, purely ranting about the nonexistent quality of her paper! Exclamation point, exclamation point!”

I saw that I needed to plug him back in soon. His mind was already so low it was saying the punctuation out loud. I couldn’t resist a single jab at him in his degenerative state, however.

“Sounds like everyone’s being mean to you now, Silas! What would you say?”

His eyes were nearly unfocused, as he struggled to put words into a coherent sentence. It was obvious he had only now realised it was a mistake to allow himself to be unplugged for even a single interview.

Silas: “Well, in my article I said I wanted to rip the freak’s bioengineered so called, “superhuman” parts from their still bleeding bodies! Even the humans without the freakish deformities!!!!!”

I saw him glaring down at my gator arm, concealed within my shirt sleeve. The large cuffs covered most of the hand, but I guessed he could still see the black claws, and faint green scales.

“Golly!”

His biosuit shook and rattled as it lost sentient connection. Only the voice and one arm was still online. A warning klaxon began to scream from his suit, and a few lights lit up flashing red. I grabbed his hideous, stinking body around the middle, and dragged him back to the computer room, plugging in as many jacks as I could find. As I did, the head cackled inanely.

Silas: “Ha! Ha! Ah!! Time for a rap! Didily dap! Didly diddly dap!!! That’s more like it!”

He screamed over the klaxon’s mra-ing. As I plugged in the last jack, I grabbed my clipboard with notes of the interview, and dashed to the door, grabbing my coat on the way.

“Well, it’s about time to hand in my article, Silas. Its been a blast!”

I grinned at him with my signature, one eye opened, smile. My red wolf canines glinted, the only bright spot in a face shadowed by my newly placed fedora. Silas screamed from his chamber as I shut the door,

“LIES!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And there's a little taste of life in my house (i am writing this while three boys bodies are hitting the floor simultaneously, can you tell?)

Psalm 118

2011-01-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

Our fun fabulous Friday included two extra children (yay!) and a few minutes to do *this* (above)...

My friend Terry always encourages me to pick a "word for the year" - and my word this year is "kindness" - but God's word is always "faithfulness"...

Why do i not own all these albums?

2011-01-28T09:07:00.001-07:00

Let Her Go – Gregory Hoskins and the Stickpeople

MP3 search on MP3hunting

http://www.gregoryhoskins.com/
(even better, his blog : http://gregoryhoskins.wordpress.com)

I love his voice - love the vulnerable quality, love his *heart* in this song. He has another song called "Dance of the Vulnerable"... haven't heard it, but maybe i need to buy more of his stuff...

Friday at my house is "Fun Fabulous Friday" (thanks, Cindy!) - We don't do any school (except if they left something undone from the week), and we have fun together.

Today i'm planning to help Si learn to use the soldering iron he got for Christmas (www.noisebridge.net has some great tutorials)http://www.gregoryhoskins.com/. And if it stays nice, maybe i will talk someone into going for a run with mama... it feels so nice just to breathe the air outside lately - all the snow is melting (revealing that no, no one took the Christmas tree to the dump after all... ) Haven's enjoying her sewing machine so much lately and has started making items for her hope chest :), Wyatt has two new Nintendo DS games (bought with money he "earned" helping a friend's daughter move) and one of them is a multiplayer, so he will be trying to get people to play with him today, and i am hoping for a big snatch of time where i can sit down and write on my neglected novel (while Wyatt's mind reels with his fully realized second one... sigh..)

What is your easy breezy day? Do you have to plan for it, or do you just grab them when it comes? As a mom to a whole bunch, i find i am much less spontaneous than i used to be (mostly driven by the fear of children with foot long toenails!) - everything seems to be scheduled. But i am not made to go that way indefinitely.

Today will be fun - tonight is date night :) yay! Hope you are having a great Friday, too...

Overcommitted

2011-01-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's me.

I have a little too much on my plate right now.

And yet, if you took out the balance sheet of my days and hours, it wouldn't look so bad - a little children's choir, a little basketball, homeschooling, violin lessons and one new piano student. A community greenhouse, a fiddle group, a great husband and seven eager children.

but maybe it's just that this time of year makes me want to crawl even *deeper* into my winter hibernation and just enjoy these days.

We watched babe Meow's birth video (not the gory kind, just the video that Haven and my mom made with all the scraps of video and photos that were taken that day, and T asked me "How does that make you feel?" I don't know. It's been three years, and no new little one. But it's been a good three years, a fun and productive three years.

On the way home i was talking with my big boy about how frustrating it's been lately to be in a lot of pain and with no really good diagnosis or treatment. And he said "Maybe it's just that you're used to being pregnant every other year, and your body is taking a break!"...

i'll think about that. And meanwhile, i'm getting things done, i'm still being efficient. i've still got community involvement, and some big decisions to make about the next three years in our homeschool - but maybe i'll be a little more gentle with myself as i take some time off from a few of the things i miss most.

Innocent Wonder - I Heart Faces!

2011-01-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

Innocent Wonder

is the theme for this week's I Heart Faces challenge... And i immediately thought of this portrait of Uly - T is experimenting with high key/low key portraits, and i loved this one of Ulysses...

Love and Marriage

2011-01-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

I thought about subtitling this "the view from Canada" but i'm not really speaking for anyone but myself... and even then, i'm mostly just exploring how i feel about marriage lately. The state of the union, as it were.

As all of my co-Canadians know, gay marriage has been legal in Canada for a few years. At the time that the bill was rammed through with no discussion and no vote, i thought about sending my marriage license back to the issuing authorities. It no longer stood for what it had stood for when i originally forked out the 70$, and i didn't know what it was supposed to be.

but really, going back in time, i can recall asking my pastor if i "had to" get a marriage license or if we could just "not invite the government" to my wedding. At the time i felt that this was a spiritual issue, a personal issue, and i wasn't asking for their consent, and i didn't want their presence there at all, since all that marriage meant to the government at that time was an increase in my taxes.

Now, people are clamoring for the "rights" and financial penalties of marriage, and i am taking a sober second look. What am i going to do? Divorce T to make a point? Never! But what exactly did that little piece of paper meant when i bought it, and what does it mean now? Is it a license to have marital relations? Well, there is actually no law against that already. Does it provide me with any special support, relationship counselling, preparationg. No.

As 2011 begins it's gradual ageing, i am thinking about marriage. Especially when i listened to a CBC interview lately that very intelligently discussed how once marriage stood for something else (ie. continuity, faithfulness, an intention to stay together forever) and now it is an event that means nothing apart from it's own party.

(some CBC stats on marriage HERE, sorry i can't find the "marriage researcher" interview!)

So then, of course, i talked to my mom for a long time, and she claims that she would be fine if her theoretical children decided to forgo government involvement, had a ceremony with family (she is even willing to forgo clerical involvement, as most of them would see themselves as having a responsibility to the state to do "the legal thing"). I? I have a child who is rapidly growing up to be a man. In three years, would i be willing to see him "shack up", albeit after publicly affirming his lifelong intentions toward the young woman?

Is there a way to opt out of the "concubine" category without government intervention? What makes a marriage a marriage as opposed to a party or a license to have intercourse, or the last brick on your pyramid of self fulfillment?

And i'm taking answers..... now! :)

Oh, the Beauty

2011-01-21T23:58:00.001-07:00

When i was in college, my friend Sheldon introduced me to a band called "The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir". Kinda different from the Brooklyn Tab Choir which i listened to a lot, but even though they weren't Christian, some of their songs were just as passionate, and just as worshipful.

One was called "Oh, the Beauty"

Warmer waters soon run cold

River burdened by its gold

Mighty mountains, and everyone

To cast a shadow need the sun

Let nothing fear you, evening comes

Oh, the beauty

Ancient light from stones gone cold

Brightly stains from stars so old

So long lying 'neath the earth

But who knew what winter's worth

Imagination lights their birth

Oh, the beauty

Climb your ladder, every rung

Find the songs still left unsung

Like old Plato, wise was he

Look behind the screen to see

Find a road and we will travel

Oh, the beauty

C.Brown

I feel like that should be my hymn lately. I know i'm supposed to grumble and groan about the winter - it's too long, it's too dark. And it has been pretty close to thirty below lately.

But this week, the temperatures have risen to around 5 below, which is downright springlike, the days are noticeably longer, and the mountains are just as beautiful as they are in the summer.

I am having a slow ~~day~~, week, trying to nurse some sore joints, and while i slow down, i'm noticing all that i take for granted - an oldest daughter who dresses her "doll" up just like her most mornings, an oldest son who plays dj with music i like all day long, middle boys who are cheerful and helpful and kind. A six year old who is bright and dazzling and creative and uncontainable. A four year old manchild who lumbers up and plants a big smooch on my lips, and a "baby" who is determined to stay a baby, even while she grows a little more like her big sisters everyday, and who dances with her arms out and eyes closed every time the music plays.

I am so blessed.

Dangerous Encouragement

2011-01-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

A woman commented on a blog i follow, stressing the dangers of encouraging women to have another child.

Hm...

Titus 2:³ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Oh, and also...

Galatians 4:18
But it is good to be zealously affected always in a good thing, and not only when I am present with you.

I guess i understand her point - which is that a minority of women are seriously mentally disturbed, and to have another child might endanger the child's life, and the mother's sanity. In addition, i think if a husband just doesn't want another child, to pursue that would mean disharmony in marriage, and probably wait and pray would be a good rule to follow. But why is it so dangerous to encourage others to eagerly desire children?

To preach this as the rule? To insist upon it? When God loves people? I mean, He really does. He didn't make us for any big reason or purpose - we don't have to *do* things or *be* something awesome - we're not even really practical. Anything we can do, He has already done, and can do a zillion times better.

He really just loves us. He delights in us, especially when we are obedient and loving to Him, and even when we are rebellious and trying to run from Him. Even then, He is waiting, and faithful. And i think when we understand that, we are able to love other people, too. But until then, when it's all just "let's do what we have to do"... then everything is a burden, even a sweet, warm, deliciously scented little baby...

I heart faces - SMILE!

2011-01-10T20:38:00.002-07:00

Well, i'm too late again - Monday is just a really jampacked day, and to get time on the computer is not always possible, but here is my entry :)... (um, if i had an entry!)

WAIT! They are extending till Tuesday, which means i can get.... this done... if i just.... deke out on my household chores for a bit....

Singing wif memories

2011-01-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

This morning we were doing our chores,and Wyatt put on Coldplay on the stereo. Uly wandered up to me in the kitchen where i was wiping counters and filling the dishwasher, and said "Why are dey singin' wif memories, mama?" I love the way thoughts come out of his mouth :)

What do you think? Do you think "Lost" by Coldplay sounds like memories? You can hear it here....

Getting back on track...

2011-01-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

It is the last few hours of Daddy's vacation - tomorrow means school again, and that means i need to haul out my big binders and get organized so i'm not left stranded tomorrow...

Happy back to school to all of you, too - now to make those two weeks last me till it gets nicer - i'm so glad we're past the solstice and looking at longer days every day now!

I'm guessing i'm not the only mom who is evaluating curriculum this time of year, and looking forward to the homeschool conference - What keeps you motivated? What brings joy in January in your homeschool?

Things i'm looking forward to:

Getting the children more responsible in food preparation (i told Lulu, who is eight, that i was thinking each child old enough could have one day to make lunch - he was so excited! But it does mean a lot of hands on training at the beginning - still - would be so nice to have a schedule for that as i'm usually running all day lately)

Getting back to our chore schedule. One thing i'm noticing lately is that i've been a real martyr - i really don't like asking for help, and i'm pretty tenderhearted - if i see a sweet situation, i'm so loath to break it up for a quick kitchen clean - but i really can't spare the time to do it all myself anymore - so back we go to my laminated flylady lists and we can probably shave chore time down to maybe ten minutes apiece instead of a couple of hours for mama by herself...

ART! I bought a whole huge parcel of art supplies for the children in September, and then Wyatt got even more for Christmas - the little ones have taken out almost every book on "how to draw" from our library - and this is one January thing i am going to encourage, make time and space for...

Outdoor photography - it's been cold lately, and we did not go cross country skiing or do the Maligne Ice Canyon hike - but those are still on my radar, and the weather looks nice for the next little while.

Weekly entries at www.iheartfaces.com - it's fun to have the challenge of an assignment, even if i don't win :)

Losing weight! - T is finally on board and i want to lose 25 lbs by the end of June - it went on so quick, but i know it rarely comes off as easily - we've done this once before, and i know we can do it again :)...

Home decoration - our water heater burst in September, leaving us with 2/3 of a house, most books boxed up, and ripped up basement. Now the carpet has been replaced, it's been painted, and we're reorganizing, and ready to replace some of the things that were destroyed. But making the basement pretty has made me realize things i want to do in the rest of the house, too :)...

Enjoy this week!

Winter pleasures

2010-12-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

I think i am one of the most blessed women in the world - i get to be married to sweet T :), have these seven indescribably different and yet matched set of children, i get to live in Canada, where we can make a living, i get to be born into this time period - the time period with the most precious invention of all - indoor plumbing with hot water and showers (!!!), and even on top of that, i am able to be a mama at home, to spend all my time with my children and my husband, when he is home from work.

Lately, i've had T home all week, and it's been so fun, albeit busy, as we prepare for the Big Day :) - we've taken the littles Christmas shopping in ones and twos, wrapped a zillion bizarrely lumpy packages, dropped probably too many broad hints, lit the candles on our advent wreath, told stories, cuddled babies, baked delicious things that got all eaten up within the hour - and it's been so fun to have the pressure of work and homeschool taken off.

But the sad part is - i am getting lazy. It seems to easy to sleep in every day, and lounge around doing nothing... T picks up the slack (he loves cooking), or the children jump on the little chores that otherwise would keep me occupied so that i can be done quicker and go play Super Mario Kart with them, or make little felt owl ornaments, or read another story, or watch a video with them, or or or...

This afternoon, T took a couple of children, and the house seemed quiet with only five :)... Baby Meow got it into her head that she wanted to go to the playground. She had her big sister's boots on (the wrong feet) and her winter coat on.

This is a truth about me that is pretty obvious. I am not a winter person. Growing up in Alberta (which i did, for Kindergarten, through to grade eight), I always wondered at just exactly *who* decided this place was habitable, especially for little girls in Sunday dresses and nylons on their legs in 20 below weather...

But she was so cute, and pleading, and there were no big kids to do it... So i suited her up really warm, and then suited up Uly, and then, with no last minute change of mind on the horizon, suited me up nice and warm and opened the door.

Outside was deserted. I am guessing most other people are also enjoying these long lazy days before Christmas - and we had the school playground to ourselves. Now, our house can get pretty loud (as any of our guests can attest), and the silence outside was as profound as the noise inside.

We walked, hand in hand, to the playground in silence, played on all the equipment somewhat meditatively as both littles seemed perfectly content to slowly walk around at their familiar fun place covered in over a foot of snow, and just when i was having fun, it was time to go back home.

Maybe being without all my minions was a good kick in the pants to just do it, to enjoy all that this season has to offer.

We got home, made cookies, had friends over for a "Festivus Feast " :) , played RockBand till late - good day :)

Sweet six...

2010-12-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

Anaia is six now and she's having a hard fall/winter. A few shakeups in our family's routines, a few lost friends, and she seems to be the one who is suffering most.

No matter how many hugs and special treats or attention, or just cuddling her up in my bed with my ipod and some fancy games - she's just having a hard time.

But this song is true for her right now - and it's true for me and for you, too... and i'm glad that as she learns the words and sings along, i know God is faithful to meet little six year old her, and speak to her hurt little heart.

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

For more JJ Heller: www.jjheller.com

NO COPYRIGHT INFINGEMENT INTENDED

Only thirteen more days

2010-12-13T21:25:00.000-07:00

Am i the only mom on the block who makes Christmas baking that lasts less than 12 hours? Maybe i should be baking late at night :)...

In the Bleak Midwinter / Every Year

2010-12-08T22:34:00.002-07:00

This is the best part of Christmas to me - baking is fun for little people, and stockings are sweet. Christmas trees are colorful and make people a little more cheerful, and visiting family is the best tradeoff for the cold weather - but Christmas music will always make it Christmas for me.

It is easy to get caught up in decorating or lists, or "i should do" that, or "every day, let's" do this - but music helps me to focus on what God is doing, and is my way of honoring and serving Him for His gift.

He Knows My Name

2010-12-08T15:10:00.000-07:00

Life is getting pretty darn casual around here lately - after a fall of taking everything apart, things are coming together, the basement is painted and freshly carpeted (and rearranged! and i love it!), Haven did a ton of vacuuming on her own initiative, i made bread for the first time in awhile, and hats and mitts have a home finally instead of just being strewn all over...

I was getting caught up on newspaper reading - i keep them on the counter, hoping for a spare few minutes to read them and then put them in the recycling, and i had at least three there waiting - and i found a kind of funny post about a twitter posting by Stevie Johnson.

But while i took up the vacuuming and did a little of my own, i started to think about why i found the post so funny, and why it wasn't, really.

Stevie Johnson fumbled a ball in a football game, and afterwards he posted

"I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO..."

I laughed out loud. But while i vacuumed, i thought - it's only funny to me because to me, sports are kind of a silly side venture that some grown men and women seem obsessed with, much like my kids like Pokemon or One Piece manga :)... But to Mr. Johnson, this is his career - it's important to him - part of his livelihood, and most likely, part of his very self image.

And can i deny that when i have troubles, especially ones that touch in that area, that i haven't been like Stevie? Nah, i don't have a twitter feed, but i know i ask God. In fact, that whole morning i had been listening to music that helped me to focus on God instead of my feelings and trying to think how i can *fix* a basically unfixable problem. I tried talking to God about it, but He had better things in mind for me.

But He didn't mind me asking - and He is big enough to hear Stevie Johnson's disappointment, and know it for what it is - a plea to feel Him near, in our troubles, small as they may seem to other people.

My friend Terry sent this youtube video to our homeschool email list, and it seemed very much like what both Mr. Johnson and I both needed to be reminded of...

Inexpressible comfort

2010-12-07T22:07:00.000-07:00

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

George Eliot

I had this quote on my wedding programs.

Now, after sixteen (and a bit!) years of marriage, and seven children, I can still attest to the truth of the saying.

To know when to speak. To be free to spill out what is in your heart. These are both treasures.

Lately i have felt so constrained. Almost painfully so.

And yet, my children have felt no such restraint. Today, after a hard day - a situation where again i felt attacked and rejected, with two children making me miserable with complaints and the nebulous not knowing what would make things better - i finally just broke down and shared a little of what is going on in my mom heart. How my feelings are hurt. How i am feeling tender, and bending perilously under the weight of criticism and unkindness both without and within the family.

And i don't want to burden them with every sad day i have, but i think today it was good for them to see that mom has hard days, too. They made our home a safe place for me to express my heart, not to take up offenses on my behalf, but just to love me and to understand, a little bit, that there is more at work on any given day than just the caprices of each individual.

This has been a frustrating, tiring, disappointing day in a lot of ways. But the comfort i feel tonight is also inexpressible. Laying down my heart to Jesus, and relaxing into the evening with my sweet husband, with all relationships mended and in harmony in our house. This is a good place to be.

My Big Boy

2010-11-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

My mother in law once said something to me about your firstborn being special, and i forget what it was, but at the time it didn't make sense to me. I figured all your children are special, and you love them all the same.

Well, the all children being special is true, and loving them all is true, but they are such different personalities - it just doesn't make sense to love them all *the same*. The same amount, maybe, but the feelings that are mixed in with each child vary according to their personalities and how alike or dissimilar we are.

We are a family of nine individuals, with three firstborns. This could be trouble, but what it's ended up meaning is that a couple that God brought together out of His great kindness and LOVE and sweet mercy and grace, living together in harmony, has a wonderful strong willed boy.

This boy has taught me so much about being a mom, about establishing boundaries, about enjoying my children, about accentuating the positive and relaxing on the things that are just personal preference.

This boy loves to follow me around the house, "narrating" every single frame of the fifty second book in the manga series he's reading, or giving me just enough of the plot of his latest favourite novel to get me to read and discuss it with him.

This boy is so tender with the little children - the little brother ten years younger who shares his room and the little sister twelve years his junior who has him completely in thrall, even when she is being very naughty. Even our little six year old, who heard him exclaim frustratedly to her today "You know, Anaia - i'm always on your team, even when everyone else is mad at you... (but!!!!!)"

This boy lopes over to help when he hears his name, and keeps working until the job is done.

He doesn't have a lot of interests outside the house - he likes to read, to write, to draw, to talk, discuss, puzzle it out.

I like him. He's my firstborn. He is fifteen on Tuesday. Where did those days/months/years go? I am hoping i caught some of them in my blog, some in my photo albums, and some in my journals, but so many of those days have flown off with wings like moths up to some huge light, and i know i will never see them again.

What an adventure to be a mom to a tiny fat baby and watch him grow to a rangy man who towers over her, eating bread as fast as she can make it, and writing all his adventures down on paper so he doesn't have to get dirty outside in real life :)...

This is my big boy, my Wyatt. I love him.

My daddy's coming...

2010-11-04T19:58:00.000-06:00

My arm is naughty right now - being a crybaby, sending out pain messages and refusing to carry her own (lesser) share of loads.

My children have been great helpers while i wear my sling and hope it gets better. Last night i saw a physiotherapist who explained everything he was going to do, and made me feel very comforted that this will pass (albeit, maybe in 3 weeks?)

Meanwhile, my dad is on his way. Did he catch the 9 o' clock ferry this morning? Anticipation fills my house, and leftover dinner is waiting on top of the stove for his arrival.

my sweet T, the littles' Daddy is away tonight making speeches and we are cleaning up and cooling down from a long day of school, and underneath it all... my Daddy is coming!

tiny dolly

2010-10-31T22:23:00.000-06:00

I can't take pictures right now, but i tried with these ones - Haven ended up taking a bunch for me. My arm isn't working and i can't hold things, which is annoying - but little people have a way of making everyday sweet. This dress came in a "pass along" box from freecycle - and Haven made the wings with a pink shopping bag :) and babe Meow thinks she is a princess when she dresses this way, which is about a quarter, total, of each day (with many changes in between, because we are riding high on estrogen lately...

Uly Buly

2010-10-27T15:23:00.000-06:00

Ulysses is four, made of concrete covered in a velvety layer of chub, with small white peggy teeth that are always showing because he is constantly grinning.

He's the sixth of seven children, and as such, gets to stay a baby for a long time, because it's just easier. He's such an easy going little boy, and loves playing with his baby sister, and he enjoys being little with her and being treated special by the older siblings.

But we keep waiting for him to grow up - once upon a time, Wyatt looked a lot like that, and now he's a teenager with shaggy hair a moustache that needs to be shaved quarterly, once upon a time, Lulu looked a lot like that, and now he's my all singing all dancing music machine... Once upon a time, Silas behaved like that, and he's now my serious, justice obsessed man on my right hand...

So when Daddy walked into our bedroom and found Ulysses on our bed, looking at a book, he asked 'Hey, Uly! You reading a book?" (You never know! Exciting developments happen during homeschool...)

"Noooooooo" moaned Uly. "I can't wead....."

"Well, you'll learn soon - when you're a big boy like your brothers" coached Dad.

"Noooooooo...." explained Uly. "When I am a big boy, I will still just have a *tiny* bwain...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CBC

2010-10-26T19:35:00.000-06:00

Fall ramble

2010-10-26T19:33:00.001-06:00

September/October was full. Full of new beginnings, of new books, new workbooks with pristine pages, brand new pencil crayons.

We've had a full slate, too - mostly owing to the Hinton Greenhouse project that i'm the president of. It was meant to be a summer project to keep me busy while T did some master's courses, but of course as these things do, it morphed into a bigger thing that it looked at first, and we're only now looking at the end (it's gonna be great!)

We're also looking at a new basement - our water tank overflowed and i've had one third of my house boxed up, waiting for the insurance people to come over and replace our carpet, which i have to be honest, will be a thing of beauty... but hard to wait for!

I was so happy to get two workshops and a private violin lesson this fall, too, and to get to sing at the pro life banquet. It's something i've always felt so tender about - i think because of how young i was when i first heard about abortion, and that my *dad's* taxes were being used to fund it. I'm still a little amazed that this has gone on as long as it has. And restlessly eager for those days to become "the bad old days".

Meanwhile, my "baby" is getting big and maybe a little spoiled, Wyatt and I are writing novels that we read to each other and give each other feedback, and in general, life isn't waiting.

Four children in choir, one big boy trying out the male chorus (oh, please stay and keep on! it's so beautiful), an art class that was audited and dropped after the first session, soccer that was started and just couldn't make it fit into our weekly rhythm... and to top it all off, visits with family a few times this fall, once with grandparents, both sisters and brothers in law and fourteen nieces and nephews!

God is teaching me, in all of this. In all of this beauty, in all the hard work. In all of the people who make life so good, or so uncomfortable. In all the work and all of the leisure of a stay at home mama in the 21st century. He is here, and i'm listening...

I entered the CBC "let's make a video" by submitting a little video that talked about when i feel connected - and lately, it's when we're outside, hiking. The mountains are so beautiful right now, and the crisp air isn't my favourite, but it's T's and seeing him so happy and comfortable is such a glowy happy thing... and my big boy is such a good helper...

Scrapbooking the year...

2010-10-05T20:53:00.000-06:00

Well, i'm starting out with good intentions of scrapbooking our homeschool year - i still have a big box of *stuff* for last year, and haven't found a few days in a row to get it all done - so this year i'm doing it week by week, printing out pictures, or writing things down, or newspaper clippings - it's not gonna be beautiful, but it's gonna be us, and it's gonna be done :)

It happens so fast, and i'm just trying to keep up...

Once i had a little baby this size - thanks Jen, for letting me hold tiny sweetheart...

I won!

2010-10-05T20:50:00.000-06:00

I am feeling pretty blessed lately - you know those contests online? where you think someone's gotta win but it probably won't be you?

well, a couple of weeks ago, a big box full of AWANA goodies showed up on my door (AWANA at home package complete with 24 Adventure in Odyssey story CDs, two books on "Raising a Modern Day Joseph", and a board game, Station Brakes...

And now i am eagerly awaiting my Epikardia curriculum :) - Thanks God! And thanks to Epikardia (and AWANA at home, which has already made my children very happy :)...)

Walk to Remember

2010-10-03T20:54:00.000-06:00

I am a mother to seven little children. Every year we celebrate their birthdays, every Christmas we pick out gifts for them, trying to think especially about their interests, their bents, their abilities, what would bring them delight.

And i have one more little one. I never saw her face. I never held her. Her life was very short and she lives with her Father in Heaven. She never knew pain.

And once a year, we remember her.

There is such beauty in someone coming through something so hard and implacable and cruel, and emerging with this idea to bless and comfort so many others. To spend their time, effort, emotions, on doing good.

We come, with families, some with tee shirts with names or dates. We hold our balloons, listen to the beautiful harp music echoing through the park, write little notes in remembrance and post them on tiny laundry lines. So much organization, so much love, so much beauty.

Then, we walk along the path, inscribed with the names of our children and those of these other people here, bonded with me through a shared sorrow.

We come to the name of "our baby" and step off the path, brush away the leaves, take a picture.

Back in the park, we gather to hear someone speak our little one's name. For once, I don't have to hold my breath. I don't feel like that name is safe anywhere, but here, once a year, i am surrounded by people who understand, and as we hear our child's name, we release the balloon with our message to our baby.

Now, i know i can tell God and He will tell my little one whatever she needs to know and what will bring her joy.

But my mother's heart is so comforted by these little rituals, by being understood. Once a year.

September weather - time to think...

2010-10-03T20:43:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted a ton lately - i had a little bit of a kerfuffle on my other blog.

If i hurt someone's feelings, please let me know! I am married into a family of Germans and i find every year i value more and more a straightforward approach.

Anyway, to catch up -

September started like this

but looked like this a few days later

like this a few weeks later

and ended like this yesterday.

Free curriculum from Epi Kardia

2010-09-25T19:51:00.000-06:00

I've been getting emails from Epi Kardia for awhile - i don't remember where i first heard of them... I'm really pleased with Tapestry of Grace, but something about the Epi Kardia curriculum is very appealing to me.

Anyway, they've come out with two new things - Daily Lesson Plans for second grade, and a high school literature course that looks very yummy - and you can win :)

if you go here

http://www.epikardia.com/blog/curriculum/win-free-curricula

i heart faces - smirk...

2010-09-19T16:50:00.000-06:00

This challenge is almost too easy - i have a fourteen year old! Smirks are second nature to this child-the-size-of-a-man. He thinks he knows everything, has no responsibility, and follows me around all day telling me what happens next in his new fave manga series. I love him :)

Now if only i could figure up an easier way to get him out of bed in the morning...

Someone I love

2010-09-10T21:06:00.000-06:00

This is how i deal when someone i love is hurting.

i buy tabloids, talk about things that don't matter, change the subject.

It's not because i don't care. But because i do, and i'm so scared to make something bad even worse by saying the wrong thing.

My little niece is sick, and we are waiting for a doctor's appointment that may let us all release the breath we've been holding, or might usher in a new season of "being strong" for my little sister who has already had to be quite strong enough, thank you.

I don't know why God trusts her with all this hard stuff - watching your children struggle with illness is one of the hardest things i can think of - but i do know He's with her, and I am praying and hoping.

and changing the subject.

but i love Sadie, i love Jess - and if you read my blog, won't you pray for my sweet little friend and my wonderful sister?

Jess, with newborn baby Eva...

Sadie and her little cousin, Mimi...

It's a New Year every September :)

2010-08-30T20:57:00.000-06:00

Well, one package came to the house today (all our Excellence in Writing material, which looks great!), one was waiting at the bus stop (Wyatt's online science course - including the workbook which we had already bought at Costco - anyone need a Key To Science 9 booklet?), and it feels like school will start soon.

Most of my day i spent online with Wyatt working through the orientation tasks. They weren't hard, or anything new, but it's a new way of doing things, and takes time to set up our folders and double check how our scanner works. Plus we run Chrome instead of Internet Explorer. Wyatt thought it was funny that our "school" explained how much storage space we had on their server (20 mb) by saying "fifteen floppy disks" worth. I don't think he's ever seen a floppy disk.

I was planning to get Math at least started today, but i'm still missing my Algebra 1 for Wyatt so didn't push anything.

I am singing praises of my sweet husband, who replaced our dryer with a newer, larger capacity and ultra efficient one. Within a day all laundry was caught up and it's stayed caught up all day today, as well. And not having to tend the machine hourly means i have more time to do other stuff - like baking five dozen buns yesterday and two dozen cinnamon buns :)...

Baby just walked up to me and said 'Can I cuddelle with you?" - she should be in bed, but Daddy went for a run, and she's such soft, warm, sweet company that i pick her up and smooch her...

This is gonna be a good year.

Vaccination - a controversial topic

2010-08-27T10:08:00.000-06:00

For what it's worth, we don't vaccinate. We did, at first - with our firstborn, and then we had Haven 2.5 years later and she got her immunizations - but at her 18 mo immunizations they did the Hepatitis B shot, and i didn't realize till after that it was for the STD - i thought it was the bad water/travelling kind of hepatitis...

Anyway, i was pretty upset that i had let them inject my precious little dolly with a partially killed version of an STD, in the belief that she would one day be sexually active before marriage. It just seemed like the worst kind of defeatism. We lived in Vancouver at that time, and it was a "high risk" area, which was only more depressing ...

As i looked into the hep B vaccine, i realized that it wasn't even fully accepted across the board (and has now been pulled as of a few years ago)

And then i discovered the aborted fetal parts/vaccination link, and i have never looked back since then.

I think what was the worst part of it, was that every single medical person i talked to flatly denied an abortion link, but once i showed them, on the product insert, and they looked it up in the physician's desk reference, they knew it was true. Why is a sleep deprived 24 year old telling them something so basic about a procedure/product that they basically believe will save the world?

It seemed like such an area of spiritual blindness and willful denial.

It actually shook my belief in the whole medical system a lot. And i decided that i don't want my babies to benefit from the murder of other little babies. It's the wrong way to make vaccines. Now, i've also heard arguments about overloading their immune systems, about the pushy schedule, about autism and thimerosal, about forced sterilizations in 3rd world countries by adding Hcg to the vaccine, making your body "allergic" to being pregnant, so that you can no longer conceive (this has happened in a lot of countries) - and i just don't want to be part of it at all.

I think people deserve to know the truth about vaccination, and that truth isn't pretty.

Would i get the tetatanus vaccine if my child stepped on rusty old barbed wire at a farm? Well, tetanus, as far as i know, is not made using aborted fetal tissue, so i would not necessarily refuse it at that point. But i'm steering clear of the whole bloody mess for the time being, and trusting that God knows best for my little ones.

Here is the list of Canadian vaccines and their sources - http://cogforlife.org/canadianvaccines.htm - the ones that are not listed are *probably* not made with aborted fetal tissue - but the code words to look for (on the product insert) are (from the cog website:)

"residual DNA and proteins" and "components" of "MRC-5", "WI-38" (or both) "human diploid cell lines".

Click here for the Manufacturer's package insert portion describing the fetal cell lines.

But that statement alone does not mean "aborted fetal tissue". Diploid cells are defined as "having twice the number of chromosomes normally occurring in a mature germ cell". Deceptive footwork on the part of the pharmaceutical companies; legal, without disclosing what would have surely led to a public outcry and a demand for immediate change.

Next, most doctors have at their disposal a book called a PDR (Physician's Desk Reference). The same information, listing the WI-38 and MRC-5 cell lines can be found there as well.

But what happens when the information still does not prove that MRC-5 or WI-38 are aborted fetal cell lines? There are several references to document this including a few which are listed below. But finding the resource material yourself can be time consuming and cumbersome. Taken from the Coriell Cell Repository, a company that actually sells fetal (and other) tissue cell lines, is a complete scientific description of the cell lines and the information on the original abortions:

MRC-5 Aborted Fetal Cell Line WI-38 Aborted Fetal Cell Line

More Aborted Fetal Cell Lines Used in Products and Product Testing

PER C6 IMR-90 and IMR-91 HEK-293

I know it's kind of a disgusting and depressing topic of conversation - but i do think Christians need to know about this, so that they can act in accordance with their conscience. With abortion and "products of abortion" creeping into so many arenas (birth control pills and other contraceptive methods like the IUD, cosmetics (skin's own? collagen enriched? etc), vaccines, medical research (stem cell research), cloning, three parent children, various artificial insemination scenarios, abortions done for the purpose of gaining a tissue or organ match for an already born sibling etc..) - i think it's been hard for the truly pro life people to remain untouched by abortion. It's really insidious.

Vacation

2010-08-22T00:29:00.000-06:00

Driving home through the mountains, we were just so eager to see our home, it's hard to remember driving out through those same mountains a few weeks earlier.

T turned to me and said "Feels like summer vacation has finally started." And turned back to watch the road, his arm out the window, and Robby Robertson on the cd player.

The littles in their carseats in the not yet dirty "Big Blue" van, reading books and looking forward to seeing their brother and sister, as well as their grandparents.

At Oma's we played at the beach most of the time, and got to visit with other family, too. Dinners at the long long table Oma makes by pushing two together end to end. Playing with our only two cousins on that side, seeing how much they've grown since last time. Holding baby Robbie who was so eagerly anticipated and is now a little soft reality. Watching Wyatt throw sticks for the dog, Hector, one after the other, and watching him laugh in delight as Hector leaped to snap berries out of the air.

At Granny and Grampsie's we hot tubbed it, explored ocean beaches and tidepools, and had a big boat ride and ate way too much.

It's just so easy. To be at your mom's house, eating mom food, watching your littles hang with people who are interested and involved and will be there forever for them.

We came home and T had to make his mom's spaghetti sauce, and it was such a treat for me to be at my mom's house and feel like a kid again, eating food that just smells and tastes *right*.

Best of all is the time with my little people all around you, so close. My big man, right there within reaching distance. We are together a lot. Dinner every night, homeschool during the fall and winter and spring. But packed into a van, we are forced to be present the whole time, listening to retellings of the novels the children are currently in, or listening as the baby descends into her nap - first her petulant demands, then when she is denied by her knight, the little voice raises:

"I hate Wyatt!" "No! Honey, you LOVE Wyatt!" "I Love Wyatt! I Hate Wyatt! I Love Wyatt! I HATE LOVE!"...

one minute later, her tears spent, she is fast asleep, and our big blue van continues eating up the miles of highway...

Gardening

2010-08-20T22:08:00.000-06:00

Well, apart from being the president of the Hinton Community Garden Society this year :), i am not really a huge gardener. I try... i try! In every place we live we've had a little garden, but we've moved so often, and every time to a worse gardening zone (Vancouver - Zone 8, Kelowna - Zone 6a, Pincher Creek AB - Zone 3B, Evansburg, AB - Zone 2? and now Hinton - Zone 1 (or Zone 0)

Anyway, my garden is small, neglected, suffering and non productive. So it was a treat to see what my talented and very pregnant middle sister has accomplished this year three hour's drive from my house (i believe Zone 3)

Way to go, Jessie! You are officially the Queen of Tomatoes for the 2010 season :)

And One for You, Too!

2010-07-04T20:09:00.002-06:00

Well, this must be a good day, because i got two sewing projects done (three if you count that little headband in the last post ) :)

Poor Uly was moaning next to me from 7 p.m. on, telling me it was Takin' Too LOOOOOOON! for me to finish Anaia's top - he wanted me to sew him something, anything, maybe with spiderman on it...

He is so cute! I'll make him something soon... it felt good to use up some of the fabric i've had in my stash for a long (like, over a decade?) long...

and this is what i made for Anaia...

I looked for online tutorials, and found one at portobellopixie, but i needed the comments from another page when i could not get any tension for the elastic thread - finally realized i had to just force it through the thread guide on the bobbin case and then it worked like a dream...

It does take awhile to do all the little rows - i did them maybe 7mm apart - and i just pivoted the needle at the end of the row, stitched a couple of stitches and pivoted again and went back the other direction... Still, it was slow going (which is why the whole thing isn't shirred.

I think i may still shir the back a little more as it's gaping a bit... But Naya loves it (and the little frayed flower i made for her top, too...

Rainy Day Baby Dress Project

2010-07-04T16:07:00.001-06:00

With a little help from my friends...
baby meow has a new dress!

My friend Terry sends me a ton of awesome links, and although i love most of them, i could never possibly keep up with trying all of them - but the other night, T was watching some sports late at night and i was looking through the links, and all of the sudden, it just felt doable...

During the commercials, i asked T to bring me a shirt of his he hates or doesn't wear... He brought me a purple and blue striped one, and i started cutting it up. And i sewed for a bit, and then it was the end of the day, the end of the week, and time to get to work on other things.

but today it's rainy and grey - we slept in and missed church, T was playing video games with the littles on the computer, and i finally had time to try a couple of ideas...

It all started with this post by Dana Made It - the idea was so cute, but so were her pictures of the sweet little dresses she's made, modelled by an adorable little dolly...

http://www.dana-made-it.com/2008/07/tutorial-shirt-dress.html

But then, this post from lukeandhailiegirl gave me the idea to try some little ruffly embellishments

http://lukeandhailiegirl.blogspot.com/2010/06/jcrew-diy-skirt.html

And because of my lazy late night sewing, i needed to cover up a little bit of my handiwork - and once i had that covered with this sweet little flower, i made another to make a homemade headband for baby to make it all matchy...

http://livelaughsew.blogspot.com/2010/04/mini-tutorial-frayed-fabric-flower.html

I tried singeing the flowers to help them fray less, but they just look a little burned. Oh well, i wasn't going for perfect anyway, just trying a few new things - and this was fun! Haven helped me find the frayed flowers tutorial, and gave me fashion advice all the while i sewed and gathered away... and Babe Meow is still stumping around the house in her fancy new creations:

Ten Years Old

2010-07-02T17:43:00.002-06:00

Double Digits

At this house, there's something special about getting to the big 1-0.

We woke up this morning with one little elf peeking in, and then realized another was sitting just outside the door, patiently waiting.

Which one was Silas, our birthday boy? The waiter... of course.

Silas will be my big boy this month while Haven and Wyatt are visiting Oma and Opa (and hopefully making themselves useful). I'm really looking forward to seeing him bloom as the oldest child for awhile. He is an unselfish boy, generous, quick to laugh, smart with his head and his hands, full of perseverance and fun.

We are so blessed to be his family.

2010-06-13T15:37:00.000-06:00

Early morning...
i wake to the hot sun warming my face, grab my ipod and swipe to see it's only 6:30. Go back to sleep until 7:30.

At seven thirty i roll out of bed, leaving my sleeping husband in a patch of sunshine, and briefly consider my options. I'm supposed to be at church at 9:15 to run through the music for the singing...

I grab a hair elastic, wash my face, put in contacts, and find my runners and a T shirt and shorts.

I don't have long, but as i run around my neighbourhood, the whole world seems still. Houses quiet with happy sleeping residents, celebrating the day of rest by resting. The house across the street that has lights on well past midnight (why do i know? it seems i am in the season of the nightowl lately...) is now peaceful and still, and the lack of electricity makes the world seem a quiet, more contented place. All the trucks are peacefully parked at the curbs and in overflowing driveways, and the grass is green as i run through the school baseball diamonds to get back home...

where i find someone tiny and beautiful has taken my place in bed.

She spreads her short chubby arms above her head, her curls catching the light, and i run into the bathroom to get ready, for real, for Sunday...

2010-06-09T17:08:00.002-06:00

My Favourite Things

Have you guessed yet?

Is anything as good for the soul as being out of doors with the people you love best in the world? It's flirting with spring here, but i know summer's on the way!

2010-06-07T10:58:00.003-06:00

This week's challenge is "Play" - and yesterday was Haven's 12th birthday - while the littles took turns canoeing in Carla's canoe out to the tiny island in the middle of the lake, Baby Meow was busy throwing dirt into the water, ecstatic that we just sat and watched and did nothing to stop her carnage...

i heart faces - Yellow!

2010-05-24T10:42:00.000-06:00

This is the first time i've used the new format to add photos - hope it works!

this week's theme on i heart faces is "yellow " which immediately made me think of this picture of my sweet little guy, Ulysses...

Homeschool Planning

2010-05-24T09:49:00.000-06:00

Yes! This time of year is generally when i finish all my planning for the next year, print out "to order" sheets, in order of when i will need them, and then relax and enjoy the summer.

We've got about three more weeks of curriculum, and then we'll just pick off subjects that need a little longer, and as soon as it's warm enough, we'll be done! It's been a good year, but my oh my, a busy year...

I am finding the planning aspect really a LOT of work this year compared to the last year, but i'm not sure if it's the planning per se (five different grades next year, plus two preschoolers) or if it's just me being antsy...

I thought i'd share what i do, and hopefully some of my homeschooling friends can rescue me if there's an easier way.

First, i have a sheet for each subject, and a sheet for each child.

The children's sheets list all the subjects they will take, with space for extras at the bottom... I am filling in the gaps that i do know - for instance, i know our history spine curriculum will be Tapestry of Grace Year 2, redesigned. Some of the math curricula i already own and i'm planning to use again...

But there are a lot of subjects i'm just not sure about this time around. I've been using Teaching Textbooks for the past two years, but we've had a lot of trouble with our laptop this year, which resulted in a pain in the butt in terms of keeping track of their scores (which should be super easy!) and I've heard that they are very much behind grade level. So i'm considering if i want to keep using them, and just have my seventh grades do TT8, or if i want to switch to something else, like Saxon Math or Life of Fred, or even an online delivery option for my oldest...

The subject pages are for me to brainstorm all the options i have within that subject. But i think i will take a little more time, and keep those lists by the computer for a week or two - i know there is a great grammar resource i've been hearing about, and the title just won't come to me (and i probably saved a link somewhere... where?)... I also need to go shopping in my own library - i may have found a great high school science resource for next year and saved myself a few hundred dollars...

Last, i am using my subject pages to tentatively fill in the blanks on my individual children's sheets. And then pray, and rearrange :) as necessary...

I do feel that every year God has put exactly what i needed in my lap, to get me where i needed to be as a mom and as a homeschool teacher to my little ones - but when one is making up a "block schedule" in order to make a way to squeeze everything in, i do tend to feel like i'm organizing the life out of homeschool...

The block schedule is in hourly increments, and only lists *my* focus, as a mom and as a homeschooler. For instance, the block from 11-12 is always "prep lunch" - the block after lunch is "Bible/memory" - the first block of the day is "little ones one on one" which also includes the preschool curriculum "Little Hands to Heaven", and there are a few subjects i'm planning to do only twice a week with the children (including science/history, a second language (French? Latin? or something new this year?), and music focus (either lessons or a group session - two hours of my one on one time should be enough, combined with their own practice times)...

One of the local homeschool facilitators is very big on "not bringing school home". Whatever that means. I'm not importing desks, but i sure am importing some of the scheduling ideas, because they work with a big crew :)...

So, planning is consuming me today - and i'm open for feedback/ideas

Here are some my possibilities - if anyone has any experience with them?

_ Life of Fred (math books)

- Art of Problem Solving (math)

-Easy Grammar

- It's Time for Chemistry (science)

-Apologia science courses

- Saxon with DVDs (DIVE)

- Alpha Omega Language Arts as a grammar/language supplement?

- online writing coaching programs?

help! The world is wide open, but i'm late getting my plan solidified :)

My Jewels are all right here...

2010-05-11T10:22:00.000-06:00

On a list i'm on, my friend Terry asked us, during Mother's Day Week :), to write about our children.. and here's what i wrote... (warning - it's long!)

Mother's Day Week... oh, i like that! My birthday is the 14th, too - so my littles are making me books for "mother's day/your birthday" - i asked them to write the story, illustrate it (in color!), bind it :) - yeah, it's a little bossy - but they like getting me something and i'd rather have this than perfume or chocolate :)...

We read about the Gracchi last week - about the mother Cornelia, being asked where her jewels were, brought her sons into the room and said "Here are my jewels"... love that story - can you imagine how those boys must have felt? so sweet!

Anyway, here are *my* jewels...

Wyatt - his name means "Little warrior, son of my right hand, farmer"... So far the first two have given me real reason to believe that there is power in naming a child :) - he is 14 this year, and growing into a fun friend. Our relationship is changing in a really comfortable way, and I love his honesty, his intellectual curiosity, his kind heart and love for his little siblings...

The Bible verse we chose for him was from Genesis 27-27-29

"Ah, the smell of my son
is like the smell of a field
that the LORD has blessed.

²⁸ May God give you of heaven's dew
and of earth's richness—
an abundance of grain and new wine.

²⁹ May nations serve you
and peoples bow down to you.
Be lord over your brothers,
and may the sons of your mother bow down to you.
May those who curse you be cursed
and those who bless you be blessed."

Haven - her name means "a safe place, fruitful, her father is joy" and again, she lives up to those names. She is 11 this year, and is inches away from being as tall as me, with feet that are much larger - she is going to be a tall girl, i think! She is very artistic, loves music, loves creating, loves nurturing. She is the one who will come and give me fashion advice, or ideas for a craft, and i love how she gets me past the initial yes into the actual project :)

The Bible verse we chose for her was

Psalm 107:30
They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.

Silas - we named him after the prophet and evangelist who travelled with Paul - his name means "from the woods, dextrous, red haired"... Hm... the middle one is true:) - Silas at nine is still my soft hearted one - he is just a little more sensitive, very easily entreated, silly, but also easily overstimulated. He cares passionately about justice in our home :) and i'm hoping that will translate into a passion for justice in the big world, when he gets out there... The red haired name probably has to do with his fiery protestations when wrongs are happening... :) but Russell was actually my grandma's brother's name, and he was an example in his life of faithfulness, cheerfulness and a happy marriage.

The verse we chose for Silas was Psalm 127:3

³Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (This was also my very hard labour, where i felt intensely the spiritual warfare around me and our decision to welcome the children God sent us...)

Luther - means "soldier of the people" or famous warrior - but can also mean, someone who plays or creates lutes - someone with musical ability. His middle names mean "Great" and "Righteous" - and we prayed that for him, that he would, like his namesake, be a leader of a new reformation in Christianity, and that he will be blessed with a great righteousness to lead many to God. He is my enthusiastic, cheerful child (well, so is Haven - they are very alike in their reactions to most situations). He's usually in a great mood, and is very tender and sweet.

The verse we chose for him was Psalm 142:3

When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then Thou knewest my path...

and

Zechariah 4:6

So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.

Anaia - her names mean "God has answered me, kept His promise, and I will be good". We are praying that this turns out to be prophetic. Anaia is a whirlwind. Very bright, very animated, full of ideas ( most of them crazy, life threatening, property destroying and funny all at the same time). She longs to be a good girl, and adores her big sister, but just can't make herself do the things she knows she should do... She is five and still sucks her thumb and has a funny little lispy voice still. She is a beautiful child.

the voice we chose for her was Psalm 91:15

¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

Ulysses - his names mean "Guide, one who leads a mighty army like the Father" and that's our prayer for all of our sons, that they will be guides in a world looking for God, and that they will lead great troops of people to their Father. Uly is the sturdiest child, and talks in ALL CAPS. He is full of observations about the world, and also full of any clip of a song or catchphrase that he comes across... If you hear disco music chanted in a very loud voice, that's Uly. He is a little bit obsessed with bears (they spilled the honey, they made the mess in his room, he caught one and it scratched him across the chest, bears tore his clothes, there is a bear in our backyard). So cute!

the verses we chose for him were (i think! we didn't send out birth announcements and i can't find it for sure!)

Song of Solomon 6:¹⁰ Who is this that appears like the dawn,

fair as the moon, bright as the sun,
majestic as the stars in procession?

and

Psalm 18:²⁹For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.

(this was our first unassisted homebirth :)...)

Mielle - her names mean "sweet one, doubly consecrated to God" We were blessed with her after losing a little baby we named Charis, the Greek word for Grace. It was gracious of God to give her to us - the verse we chose for Charis was Colossians 1:27 "²⁷To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." It was such a sweet consolation to be blessed right away with Mielle after we lost Charis, and so comforting to still be nursing Ulysses, too. God knew what i needed.

Mimi is two, talks up a storm, loves her big brothers and sisters, is probably a little bit spoiled, loves helping or taking messages. She is cuddly and affectionate, very very girly - more than her sisters were even, and is a joy to everyone in our house...

the verses we chose for her were:

Psalm 19:9-10 (King James Version)

⁹The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.

¹⁰More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.

and

Those of steadfast mind,

you keep in peace,

in peace because they trust in you.

trust in the Lord forever,

for in the Lord God

you have an everlasting rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

Library Conference - 1 of 3 - Juvenilia Press

2010-05-02T13:54:00.000-06:00

I've decided to blog the library conference in three posts.

First of all, why blog it at all? Well, i was thinking i'd go and learn a lot about libraries, hang out at JPL, and just be around a bunch of other people who like books. Can't be that bad, can it, homeschoolers?

Actually, the librarian tribe is remarkably like the homeschooling tribe...

And amid all the funky glasses, twinsets and buns, there were a lot of great sessions, all of which were directly usable by me, the homeschool mom.

I thought i'd share what i discovered there, and hope that some of the information will make you smile, too...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first session i went to was with Juliet McMaster, professor emerita at the University of Alberta. It was titled "Jane Austen, the Child Writer, and Juvenilia Press".

This university prof sat at the front of the room, and read from her notes, occasionally changing the powerpoint slide behind her, and as she did i began to see a great idea...

What had happened, was that she was making books at home with her children and other children from the neighbourhood. Being who she was (a prof of literature) - she had them write, illustrate, bind, edit, annotate and design - the whole shebang, from start to finish.

What a great homeschool project, i thought. But wait, it gets better!

She was speaking with another woman who was doing her dissertation on Lady Montague, and who had found a previously unpublished manuscript she had written as a child. And the idea for a publishing company dedicated to literature by children (not just "for" children) was born. For what other genre, she asked, was defined solely by the intended audience?

I came home with three selections to entice my littles to write and take pride in what they write...

Jane Austen's "the Beautifull Cassandra" (written when she was 13)

Opal Whiteley's"Peter Paul Rubens and Other Friendly Folk" (a diary by a 6 year old Oregonian)

and

Dick Doyle's Journal (written when he was around 15, and beautifully illustrated by him in the same style that he later illustrated for Punch magazine).

What a treat to read these books by children, and gain a fresh appreciation for the beauty of their vision, and their pure joy in living!

here is a link to the press:

http://www.arts.unsw.edu.au/juvenilia/

The press also includes children in all stages of bringing these editions out, so it becomes literature by children, produced by children, and of interest to children as well!

Now if only i can badger Dr. McMaster into creating a manual for homeschoolers who would like to set up a similar project. I can see children in a town using their local archives to find stories written by children in the past, and producing documents the whole town would be proud to have in their archives...

83 Cents by Joey Podlubny

2010-05-02T13:49:00.000-06:00

This Saturday i drove down to the Jasper Park Lodge with my library board friends, and took in the Alberta Library Association's conference.

While we were all sitting in the car, a book was being passed around (imagine that :) - Library board members reading?) - the book was written by my fellow board member's son, Joey Podlubny.

What a beautiful, heart rending book. Street life in Calgary captured in black and white with a whole lot of compassion and tenderness.

This is a book that you could share with your children, to discuss the issue of homelessness, or to explain who are these people you are serving at the homeless shelter, the soup kitchen, the second hand shop...

Go and look!

http://www.joeypodlubny.com/Site/83%20cents.html

Running clears my head

2010-05-02T13:10:00.000-06:00

It's been a long winter, and then three months solid of sickness, pneumonia, flu, pinkeye, throwing up, potty regressions, one thing after another.

but here in the mountains, spring can come quickly and then disappear again just as fast, and i find i love the hope it gives me to get a little foretaste of summer.

Lately it's been a little rainy, but usually pretty fair and warm.

Last night T took me for a run - i put on Gorillaz on my ipod and we ran out to see Mr. Beaver (who was nowhere in sight). Gorgeous night for a run, clear air, beautiful colors, and quiet time with my man...

The Beaver Boardwalk has expanded a ton from last year, and it's fun to explore the paths that didn't exist here last year.

One more 7 k run for me, one more opportunity to model healthy living to my children :) - let's make this about homeschooling, shall we? And not those last few (many) pounds i just am not motivated enough to lose?

Anyone else out and running this spring?

prayer availeth much

2010-04-29T14:17:00.000-06:00

"Are not our prayers answered, then, at all? Certainly they are! Not a word that goes faith-winged up to God, fails to receive attention and answer. But ofttimes the answer that comes is not relief—but the spirit of acquiescence in God’s will. "

I loved this quote from this essay by J.R. Miller

Actually, I am subscribed to Tolle Lege's daily readings, and i have not been disappointed once with the timeliness and encouragement of their choices.

This little piggy...

2010-04-19T16:43:00.000-06:00

loves jewelry and candy.

can't stay out of her sister's things

helped me clean the garage for an hour today

has open bite and sticks her little tongue out when she makes the "s" sound.

desperately loves her big sister

but doesn't want to look too desperate

had a good day today.

Today we were listening to the listener supported public radio station, and they had a fundraiser. She listened for a minute and said "Mama, is 265 000$ enough money that a kid could get it?" I wasn't sure what she meant, and said " Well, maybe if their parents were millionaires..." "Dad's not a millionaire!" she guffawed... "But if i had 265 000$, i'd spend it on jewelry... and candy!"

Roxane's Bill

2010-04-16T10:56:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. Bruinooge -

I just wanted to write and encourage you and tell you how much i admire you - i'm a homeschooling mom and i've got my list of inspirational Canadians to share with my little ones, and you are definitely on it :)...

The Roxane's bill is just such a smart idea - i don't know why no one has come up with it before, esp in this day of human rights tribunals. I've never had an abortion, but i do have friends who have, and i don't think any of them did *not* feel coerced in some way... And it makes me sick to my stomach, wishing i had known at the time and could have been the one person who helps...

The thing that i love about the bill is that it gives women a little breathing room - pregnancy feels like such a quick thing - one day you're pregnant, 24 hours ago you weren't :) - but it's such an important thing, too - a real game changer, and women are more than up to the challenge. My homebirth friends have a saying "Women have a secret, and it's not that birth is hard. It's that women are strong". Coercion is rarely done because we think bullying is okay, but for concern over the girls/women themselves, and also, overriding all, a selfish concern by people who fear that *their* lives will be changed as well...

Babies are such a blessing, and every woman i know who has had an abortion has gone on to have babies, some only then realizing what they did, and the enormity of the decision that they made, and what they missed out on...

Please consider to be a strong leader, unafraid to speak truth and defend the defenseless.

Isaiah 49: 7 For the Lord God helps me, therefore, I am not disgraced; therefore, I have set my face like flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed.

I am praying for you

Stephanie F
mom to seven in Alberta

Peace in the midst of the storm....

2010-04-15T17:18:00.000-06:00

Well, maybe not in the *midst* of the storm...

We are all feeling great again, finally, after three months of sickness... I took babe Meow to the doctor, who just checked her lungs, which sounded beautiful, clear and fine fine fine.

So happy!

So i haven't blogged a ton since a/ i was sooo sick and nobody wants to hear whining :) and b/ now that i'm better, there is So Much To Do...

I'm good at letting things slide, just going limp, not sweating the small stuff - if i absolutely am forced to :) - But now i am looking around at my sadly neglected house, and digging in a little more. It helps to have the beautiful weather we've had lately, too...

And sitting in my basement, with the fireplace going (um... electric, but still...), too lazy to go get my camera, signing to my husband (who has been on the phone with my dad for a few hours?) to go get it...

And surfing...

here are some beautiful links today:

Large Family Mothering (beauty!)

The Pleated Poppy - more beauty that i can't make...

Made By Rae - beauty *and* she's funny :)

Just Like Daddy!

2010-04-02T08:50:00.000-06:00

"Now i look just like T'avis! On'y wif a different HEAD on me!!!"

I'm sure Daddy was flattered... and hey, what's with the calling Daddy by his name?...

Two!

2010-04-02T08:45:00.000-06:00

Can you believe she's already two?

(i can't)